I Thought He Loved Me Back!!!!

Here is my Story

    I had a best friend when I was like 8 or 9 that I was very close to. She would come over to my house and she had a crush on my cousin, so we would go to his house when she was over so she could talk to him. Well she had  a brother who happend to be my cousins best friend and so I would go to see him at my cousins to. I had the biggest crush on him that anyone could ever have and I thought id never get my chance.

     This girl that lived with us, which was like a sister to me would go with me to my cousins with my to see the guy I liked . He ended up liking her and not me. I liked him from the time I was in like 3rd grade up until I was in 10th grade and I was 16. I watched him be with my friends and screw around with them and I still knew I loved him and wanted my chance.

     Well my friend that he liked had moved out of my house, and moved to Texas. She came in when I turned 16 to visit and she was all over him. He went to sleep instead of talking to her cuz he was drunk. She left and went back to Texas. He came back over and he called my house.

     I had never really had a boyfriend and I was very shy. I was affraid to tell my  parents that I wanted to date him. He told me that he woudlnt date me unless I asked thier permission so I did. We started hanging out and getting closer and I fell so deeply in Love with him.

     He had always just been with girls before to have sex with them and well he was different with me. I never thought he would ever hurt me since he was my cousins best freind. He never tried to have sex with me for 3mths when we first were together and then he did. I lost my virginity to him and I thought id be with him forever.

     I was so close to him and I never went anywhere without him. I loved him so much I did everything he told or asked me to do even if it was something I didnt want to do. I got so lost in my feelings for him that I didnt realize that he didnt love me at all. We were together from when I was 16 up until a few weeks before my 18th b-day.

     He was always accusing me of realy mean and weird things. My cousins mom had kind of raised me and they were like brothers and I told them everything and he would always tell me not to go to thier house unless he was there. I never knew why and then he started accusing me of sleeping with my cousins and of cheating on him. My cousins were always telling me normally the accuser was the cheater, and I didnt listen.

      He became so controlling that I was affraid of him sometimes. He would tell me that if i went with my friends or  family he would leave me and I thougth if I lost him I would loose my whole world. I stopped talking to my friends and most of my family and if I brought a friend home he was really rude to them. He was into some things that werent good, if you know what I mean. I really thought he loved me though, and I tried so hard to be what he wanted and be good enough, so I just kept on doing what he told me to.

      His temper just got worse and my cousins were in on it with him. I always thought I could trust them to tell me if he cheated on me or did the things I didnt approve of. They would take him places and not let me go. He would just cuss me and make me cry and punch walls if I sayed anything about him going.He could go with his friends but I couldnt.

     There was  this girl who is distantly related to me and she liked him. I knew something was up but never thought he would cheat on me. He knew how much I loved him and I thought he loved me. Well I broke up with him after I realized I didnt deserve to be controlled like that.

      I was so scared of him that I was affraid to leave him. We were appart for a long time and then we got back together for like 3mths.  I found out that he had cheated on me with his ex and that he was going to the bar with her. While I was sitting in the hospital thinking my grandma was dying he was out with her bragging about he was glad I was gone instead of being by the phone for me to call him if I needed him. It just so happend that he took her to my friends house and he cares about me a lot and so he got really mad. His brother told my friend that my bf and a girl at thier house so I left him again.

     He had tore my life upside down and I still love him. I also found out that he slept with the girl that was a distant cousin of mine in my bed. We have been split up for over a year atleast and he married this summer. I am heartbroken and my world is upside down and broken.

 I will always love him, he is the one who took something from me that I can never take back and now I have nothing to offer when I find the one who loves me back. I dont understand how I can love someone who made me do things I didnt want to do and that made me cry so many times but I will always love him. I hope he treats his wife better than he did me.