He Could Never Say

I was a waitress in a little truck stop. That is where I met him. The moment he came in the door I knew I was in love.LC was much older than myself. He was 48 & I was 25.And the complete Opposite than what I was use to. I could not believe it. I thought he was SO SEXY. I still do when I think back on that time. He was 6'4, broad shoulders,Dark Hair and Eyes.His hands strong and rough. One of his hands was as wide as both of mine together.
   We flirted for weeks before he had invited me out to the club behind the cafe. 
  My shift ended at 10. He was having dinner before he went. I think he took his time to just wait on me. I just happen to have my outfit out in the car. The moment my shift was up I went and freshened up & changed clothes. When I came out he didn't even recognize me. I said I was Hot. (that was a nice change) I was use to men that treated me like crap.
 We went out got drunk went to his place and ******. What seemed all night. The best I ever had. He was honest from that moment on . He said what ever you do darlin don't get attached.
 He explained how he just gotten out of a bad marriage and he didn't want to get involved not yet. I thought I was OK with that,being I just got out of an abusive marriage. I thought great! We saw each other almost daily. When he didn't pop in at my job to make sure I got home safely he would call and ask if I had company. When I said NO he would come on by and spend the night. Being he didn't want  to be involved I did date other men. But I was IN LOVE with LC. Still am to this day. We dated & slept together about 5-6 months . before I found out I was pregnant. At the same time I found out I was pregnant my family all moved away.I was depressed and desperate. I was not about to tell my sick mother and my family what I was going through. So I lived from friends to friends houses.
 One evening LC walked in the truck stop and glanced at me and smiled. He said " Darlin, I need a big glass of ice tea and you when you get a moment!"  I got his ice tea and went over to sit with him just a second. HE kissed me on my cheek and slipped small gift wrapped box. I looked at it and wondered, WHAT & WHY.
 I opened the box and there was a little gold key. He said " darlin feel free to come and stay with me anytime you need." He still had no Idea what kinda a mess my life was in at that moment. The truth was I didn't even know if HE was the Father. I am not a hoe. There was 1 other guy I was with only 1 time about a month before LC & I had slept together. The clinic guessed at the time and it could have been either man.
  I began crying when he gave me the key. LC did not understand. So i quickly calmed down and asked him if we could have dinner and discuss this after work. He didn't mind at all.
  He said what time do you get out of here,& I will be back to get you. I told him 10. Sure enough there he was about an hour before. He got himself some coffee and pie. He said he would wait to order dinner when I could eat with him. (I remember everything we did and said like it was all yesterday.)
   After my shift we ate dinner and rode out to his farm. Sat on the tailgate and he listened while I Bawled and spilled my heart and guts out to LC. He hugged me and told me I was his best friend and he would stand by me no matter what. But He still could not say I LOVE YOU . I was scared to say it first. I did love him with ALL MY HEART. 
  Have you ever loved someone so much that
no matter how close you where to the it just
was NOT close enough. If it was possible you could crawl into their skin.
 To Make MY Long story short: LC Stood by me through the whole pregnancy. Told me I was beautiful every night & made love to me often. But he still could not say those 3 words. I still don't get it. He held my hand through 12 hours of labor. Had us a welcome home party for me and the baby. But He would tell his friends that he was helping me out in a rough time and that he didn't "sleep with me" . Which most everyone thought the baby was his too. Even his BEST FRIEND thought she looked just like him. (we did find out that LC was NOT her father,unfortunately)He would have made a great dad. About 2-3 months after the baby was born. I was home alone until about 3am drunk. I was just glad that HE was home. I worried. I thought he was passed out. When I kissed his cheek and said LC I love you ! Even though I know you cant love me in return"
  OH My GOD ! you would have thought I had scalded him . He accused me of loosing my mind and that it was my hormones after having the baby. He reminded me of HIM telling me that he did not want to be involved. Well I had already been with this man for over a year at this point.I felt that he had loved me even though he could not bring himself to say it.
After that outburst I was really confused. He started yelling about how "I" should stayed in the house when I was pregnaunt. And ask me why I was doing "THIS" to him. I never understood what that ment. I had thought maybe it was the alcohol. But,No he was like that until I had moved out.
   Well that is what split us up. Right there.
Before I left, I said " LC, for what ever reason you can not say I LOVE YOU!" But I am telling you right now before I walk out this door , "I will always Love YOU even if you do not want me to. I will go to my grave loving ONLY YOU"
  He was not happy about it but he could not tell me that I couldn't love him.
 I tried living on my own soon after that outburst. I rented my own place. Until my mom begged me to come home to her.
   After a couple of months LC began to come by now and then to check on my daughter. Anything she needed he helped provide. Every visit though was hell. He always brought the situation like had done something unforgiveable.
  Then all of a sudden he stop calling or coming by. So I made a trip to where we lived . To find out that LC passed away weeks prior. Some how I just can't let go. I don't know how to get the closer that I need. Hopefully God Willing I will someday.
  To this day I still love him & wish it had of turned out differantly. I personally and glad that I got to go through the experiance. Because I can say that I have LOVED. Then again it is the worse pain that I have ever went through  & pray that I never do again.
mommatrish mommatrish
46-50, F
3 Responses Jun 18, 2007

I agree being socialized to be that way.I think it was an age thing.<br />
It's sad though. Being that way may cause the guy to lose out on something that could have been SO special at the time. Especially when you have someone that will love you with all their being. <br />
Other than that he was a good man. He took care of me when I needed him most. Never raised his voice to me . Never Raised his hand. Even though he could not say " I LOVE YOU" he showed. That just wasn't enough at the time. Oh well , Lesson learned. <br />
(13 years later and I still love him with all my heart. )

Wow, that's an amzing story...sorry to hear about such a loss but he sounds like he was a good man...a lot of men find it to be extraordinarily difficult to say those 3 words...we were socialized to be that way, to not express emotion, especially those of the older generation.

I am sorry that you lost someone who meant so much to you. I am sure you will be able to love someone else, once you find someone who deserves it as much as he did. He sounds like he was a wonderful guy.