School Heart Break

I am a guy who just finished grade 10. I go to this all boys-private school, where I fell in love with a guy in my grade. I have been in love with him since grade seven. He is in some of my classes and we are both in our school Bag-Pipe Band. He doesn't love me, and he's with a girl. I just discovered this year that they have been having sex. He loves her very much. It kills me. When I came out, at first he was accepting of it, but as the rumours circulated, he became cruel and mean. I felt humiliated. This year he forgave me, saying that he likes me, but as a friend, and I pretend to be over it and not be in love with him, but I still deeply love him. I still feel resentment at the same time because of last year. There have been occasions where I have been in the same room with the two of them( him and his girlfirend), both making out with eachother. God, it makes me want to throw up! At the same time, I hate myself because I let my guard down by telling him my feelings, and because he is everything I am not, and he loves her, not me. I am really trying to get over this, but I can't. What to I do?
heartbreak heartbreak
18-21, M
2 Responses Jun 20, 2007

Sorry I couldn't get back to you. Thanks for the advice. Something weird happened the other day in English, which we are both in. I was reading my when I noticed him looking at me, and his really close to mine, and when I looked back he cowarded away. What does this mean? Is interested? Or is it something else?

I know it feels bad to watch him with someone else, and I won't tell you to get over it because your heart tends to have a mind of it's own. What can you do? Nothing really. Just like you can't change your feelings towards him, you can't change how he feels either. If he is in a relationship the best thing you can do is respect that and try to focus or someone or something else.