So This Is Probably Terribly Common....

When I was five years old I met the most perfect boy ever. He was eight and I adored him. We had just moved in three houses away and he and I quickly became friends, because his sister was my age and he was close to my older sister's age. She's two years older than me. Anyhow, we grew up together.

It started out as a crush when I was in fifth grade, but grew into love. He was perfect. He always knew what to say and when to say it. He never made me feel as though my loving him was wrong at all until recently.

He came out of the closet, and although everyone had told me he was gay before he himself told me, I still took it hard. I really do love him and I fear I always will in some sense.

I love/loved a gay man.
peacockgirl peacockgirl
18-21, F
1 Response Jun 24, 2007

No one is born Gay. Homosexuals are not genetically mutated or have any kind of illness....save a moral illness. Homosexual people may be more sensitive than many but they are men and women who are confused. People who have been rejected too many times or grown up children of malignant narcissists, or maybe they couldn't get opposite sex dates in college and went the path of least resistance...who knows. What I do know is that People are NOT born Homosexual or straight or Bi. Sex is always a choice. It is a horrendous lie being spread about that gay people are diseased or genetically predispositioned to be gay. It is an even worse lie that there is nothing wrong with making the choice to be homosexual. I have heard both stories from the Gay community...but you know they are both lies when they are inconsistant with eachother. The truth is that being homosexual is not a disease save for a moral disease...sin. And the truth is that there is something wrong with homosexuality. The truth is that both homosexual and straight human beings already know this...but gay people deny it in their hearts trading a lie for a truth. Thats the rub...your freind is living a lie. There was nothing wrong with your love. There was something wrong with how he perceived your love. I have a story to tell you my friend. I lived next door to a beautiful girl and we were great friends and playmates. I loved her and wanted to marry her. Both her and me share a tragic connection. We are both children of malignant narcissists, we both are bipolar and we are both musicians and we both are strong in mathematics and passionate about sciences as well as many other simalarities. Her mom and my mom are best friends to this day....both malignant narcissists. Look up the meaning of narcissist...it is confusing and when you understand it....you will see that I was subject to a horrible twisting of reality...I was my mothers mirror. When I went to college I dated a girl for three years and before I met my first wife the girl told me that she was gay....she was using me as a cover to hide the truth from her parents. I got hit on by gay men all the time in college. In fact I never knew it until later...but I dressed and acted gay. I was NOT gay...but perhaps a bit confused nonetheless. The girl in college was named Melanie. It just happened this is the name of my next door neighbor....melanie. After graduating from college I moved back to my home town and went nuts....I had my first major manic breakdown. My wife divorced me and I went through a period of healing. About two years later I got an e-mail from my next door neighbor childhood friend melanie and she asked me to go on a date. I was astounded. This girl I loved ever since I was a child called me and asked me on a date. Being a child of a female narcissist I had always put women up on pedestals and I had done this with Melanie. I was so happy to get all dressed up to go out with her. We went out to a movie...it was "Vanilla Sky" which was totally appropriate as you will see. During the movie I was very uncomfortable because there were a lot of sexual themes and images in the movie. After the movie we went out front the theater and it wasn't a coincidence that Melanies friends all met her out front. I didn't really think anything about it...but it was odd how they were treating her and touching her and talking to her and I seemed to be invisable and even ridiculed. Later I asked Melanie about it on IM....and she told me that she was gay and that the girls in the front of the theater were her girlfriends...sexual partners. I would take a guess that you Peacockgirl being a straight woman would find this story a little unsettling and a bit to much to be coincidence. The truth is that in my case...in Melanie's case, in her gay friends case and in your friends case....all of us were victim of a horrendous distortion of reality. As the apostle Paul says in romans chapter 1 <br />
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24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. <br />
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26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. <br />
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May God have mercy on all our souls. Blithm