I Loved Some One Who Did Not Love Me.

I met this guy on the rebound of losing mt husband to cancer.From the begining he was always distant from me and never seemed to show me any love or affection,at first it hurt but becase I fell in love with him,I always justified his behavior towards me.I felt that this guy had been through a rough time,he had been married twice before and i felt sorry for him.I felt i could love him and make him happy where his other wives had not.The more cold he was to me ,the harder i felt i had to try and please him,to earn his love.I let him abuse me mentaly,physicaly,financialy and emotionaly,WHy,because I felt I loved him,until after being raped one night and lying there crying I questioned my motives of how much did I love this guy to let him do this to me.It was then i made a decision to sort my life out.I went and booked in to see a councellor,who helped me explore the reason for staying with this guy,when all i was getting from him was rejection,humiliation and abuse.Seeing the counsellor made me realise I had put up with the abuse realy because of the fear of being alone after my husband died.It took me six months of counselling to make me strong enough to face throwing the b....d out,but I achieved it and today although at times i find it hard to cope I take joy in the comfort of knowing the humiliation and pain he caused me have ended.If you continue to put every thing into a relationship and get nothing back you will find yourself drained mentaly and physically.Relationships should put a smile on your face not a tear in your eye and pain in your heart.
fairy fairy
41-45, F
1 Response Jun 27, 2007

You did good to throw the chump out. We all fear being alone... I wouldn't be surprised if it was one of the strongest things keeping people from escaping abusive relationships. It makes me think of a song I heard a long, long, time ago, by Melanie... "and when you come right down to it, you really are alone, unless you want someone to own, and run the life you live..." she sang with this strange scratchy, childish voice, if I remember well... in this song, she changed the last verse, her voice swelling with bittersweet emotion, singing "and when you come right down to it, I'd rather be alone, then let someone just up and own and run the life I live..." Sometimes thinking of things like that get me over.