Loved Him So Much

I loved a guy so much. He was everything and more to me. He is 4 years older and he's a person that cares a lot about security and privacy so I guess he never wanted to be more than good friends with someone my age to protect me. That makes me feel a little better, but it also makes me think that he didn't trust me like I trusted him, though that didn't stop him to make good friends with me.

So I'll try to summarise a little story about this...

We met in September 2006. He was a really nice, funny, friendly guy (and also popular in some places). I really liked him as a person so I set my target on him, as I always do when I want to become friends just with certain persons. I really wanted to be friends with him and after I managed to chat a little with him a few times, he requested my help in something and I was glad to help him. I helped and he was impressed with me. That made me really proud and also more confident when I was talking with him. At that point, I wanted to become really-really very good friends with him no matter what, because he was such a great guy to hang out with. So after I helped him we started talking frequently (like, a few times a day but we had looong conversations), I helped him with little things a few times and he was always really grateful and we became friends. He introduced me to a few persons, started mentioning me as a friend of his, supported me when I was competing or needed it. He was so great, I just fell deeply in love with him. So deeply that everytime time he talked with me I blushed and shivered, when he wasn't near me he was my only thought, I was talking about him all the time and I always waited unpatiently the next time we meet.

Months have passed and it was the Christmas. Right before Christmas my parents fought and that made me really sad. I needed to talk about it with someone so I immediatly shared my story with him. He said nothing other than just a few worthless words and seemed to avoid the subject. I felt so let down. Until then he didn't realise that I consider him a really good friend and that I like him, even though I gave him real clear signs. He must have been blind or ignored them. Anyway, that was the first time he preffered not to support me and not to talk with me about something.

After that passed we started having more meaningless discussions, more simple like he wouldn't care anymore, just in few cases he was supporting (competions that would increase my popularity in different communities).

As January passed and Valentines Day was getting closer I started giving even more clearer signs that I loved him, I tried to flirt with him. But no. On V-Day I checked around, asked people if he did mention something about me, if any declarations of love were about to come. Before V-day, starting with Sunday, I always started saying that it sux to be single on V-day, that I'm so lonelly and I wish I had someone. He reacted like "oh come on, it can't be that bad. let's talk about something else." or "why?" -- yeah, good question. Like he didn't have a head to think enough. So anyway, on V-day he just told everyone he has a girlfriend, that he loves her very much and that he doesn't really care for V-day but he'll buy her something so she doesn't feel left out. It broke my heart. I just wanted to die, like I couldn't continue my life without him. I hoped so much that he'll say he loves me too on that day, that maybe he would give me a little something. Back then I would gave him the world, everything, because I felt like he was my air, my water, my sun - everything I need. I didn't let any of my feelings for him to be revelead anymore, I held it all for me, closed in me.

Then it was back like before, we became really close and I started putting away my feelings for him, trying to convince myself he's nothing more that a good friend for me. But it was weird that he started to hang on me, started acting more flirtatious. Like when we met he would tell not to leave him and I was telling him he won't die without me and he started saying he'll die if I leave him. I took it all like as a joke and continued like this but our relationship started going down. He started acting really immature and silly all the time and always annoyed me and he started being mean about me and my friends.

Meanwhile I had met someone else, my current boyfriend. It was March already, we were still friends (with both). Then he started being everything I mentioned above. I wanted to dismiss him as a friend, my feelings for him started to go away and he started revealing the real him. I started being really good friends with my current boyfriend and leaving "the great guy" alone. He became more and more annoying.

In May I didn't even want to talk with him anymore like I did before and I started being in love with my current boyfriend. He stopped talking to me so frequently and I was enjoying that since he was so annoying and immature and silly you couldn't have a real conversation with him. He was always monkeying around and just endlessly annoying me! If I tried to start a serious conversation he would reply with something senseless or silly and back to his immaturity. I hated that. My bf. and I were really good friends at that time. I fell in love with him and on the 28th of May I told my current I love him and he told me he loves me back. After that a few days passed and I didn't talk with "the great one" at all in those days (from March or February he started disappearing for some periods of time and never told me if he's going somewhere out of town for a while). Then we finally talked again, our conversations seemed to go a little better and, after a week my boyfriend and I got together, I told ze great one that I have a boyfriend. He started acting so silly and annoying again, but just for that day. After a few days he told me that he loves me but I just ignored that, knowning that I have a boyfriend and I don't want to complicate things with this guy and I also took it as a friendly 'I love you', like something you tell to a really good friend or good sister or something.

My boyfriend saved me from him, from depression because of him. I am so happy I met him, he helped me put away my feelings for that guy who was an idiot anyway.

Our conversations have straightened up a bit, but still he has days in which I preffer not to talk to him.

And I guess that's it, sorry if it's too long. ;P
whatsername whatsername
22-25, F
1 Response Jun 29, 2007

Naw, that's a touching story :) The first part of the story reminds me a lot of the girl I used to love... . Well, I'm glad that it turned out all right for you and that you're happy now...