Confusion

Well this may make me sound like a bad person but here it goes. when i fell for my first love age 15-17  *(the kind of love thatyou start talking about getting married blah blah blah).of course i got completely attached and when he started complainging about me always wanting to see him, considering twice a week was just so hard on gas.....20minute drive. and if i could have drove i would have. but once i realizd he was cheating i broke it off i cried forever but i knew i couldnt be with someone like that .. well i started letting him use me whenever he wanted because i didnt care as long as i got to see him..then when our communitys big fair came along ***Grange i felt as if i would die if i say him with someone else so of course what any girl would do i found a guy to walk aruond with. well i got very close to this guy because he always wanted to be around me and he only lived like a minute from me But i wouldnt let him get close enough to me to be able to hurt me but this kid was extremely in love with me he was good looking he would write love notes he would never force anything on me. i havent done anything but kiss him and for the 2 years we spent together i would continuosly break up with him because i knew i didnt truly love him. i wanted so badly to love him but it wasnt there. and if you dont love someone by the second year i doubt it could even develope .. well i did love him but not as much as he loved me .so after about the 10th time of me breaking up with him he decided to move on and that hurt alot but its all for the better.......and so now im completely confused on what it is i want. because all the dates i whent on all the guys are looking for the same thing and it hurts to realize that i actually had someone that could care less about it......wow.... talk about confusion....
12relyon 12relyon
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 2, 2007

Hey, don't worry about it. Take some time for yourself, then move on as well. You'll definitely find someone for you. [=