15 Years of Heartache Has Finally Turned to Numbness
I didn't know you could feel alive as I did with this person in my life. We met one night when he joined a group of my college friends to go out for the 4th of July. For months after we were inseperable. This is the only time in my life that I have awoken excited about my day. I remember bouncing out of bed, eagar to experience another wonderful day. I didn't even realize how he was affecting me until he went away and there was this huge void. I followed him (across country), thinking that he too would want to hold onto what we had together. But, he was done with me and ready to move on to his next "conquest", I guess. Our relationship did continue for a while but was never the same. A year and a half after we met, I informed him that our baby was on the way. Six months later he paid me a visit, which would be the last time I would see him for 15years.
Sometimes I wish I had never felt as good as I did at times with him, because maybe then, I would be more content with feeling blah. Ignorance is bliss and all that. I have finally stopped hurting after all these years, but now feel numb.
I do have a wonderful teenage son, as a result of my experience with him. And I have had a few other minor, unsuccessful relationships since, but nothing close. My life is now spent just trying to survive. The young person who once believed things would "work out", is now over the proverbial hill and careening down the other side, just trying to survive till she hits the end.