I'm An Idiot

I fell in love with a heroin addict.  He used me and was not capable of love.  He saw other women and threw it in my face.   I don't think I love him any more but I still have feelings for him.  I feel like such a loser.
Tumblindice Tumblindice
36-40, F
9 Responses Jul 16, 2007

thank you for your comments tmmarion, check your inbox

duh..next time I will check the last date on the entry.. I feel silly...hope you feel better though, at least you can get a laugh out of this...

oh yes always know I care...and ur a star!! :-)

sweets b4 u can b happy you have to be honest with ur feelings about him. Yes I think you have disgust for him I do not doubt that. I also know you are angry at yourself for falling for him to begin with right? First be honest and know you love whom you love. The heart does not follow direction very well. you can lead it where you think you want it to go, and b4 u know it you are looking at the same old style you fell for. you are like me, you need an attitude adjustment about yourself and know what you want and go after it. First and foremost, yes you deserve to be happy, and it easy to conceive the idea, the hard part is BELIEVING!

Thanks for the comments. He takes advantage of me because I am easy going and I forgive him, not because I used to like him, but I forgive alot of people who don't deserve to be forgiven. You're right Cheleanne, I deserve to be happy!

Tumblin', you have to lay the rules down to your heart... YOU DESERVE: <br />
<br />
1. To be happy<br />
2. To be loved<br />
3. To have someone respect you<br />
4. To love someone who is capable...<br />
<br />
the list could go on and on - but the bottom line is : YOU DESERVE ALL THESE THINGS AND MORE!!!! Please don't think you're a loser - we cannot control our feelings, but we CAN divert them... <br />
<br />
Find someone new who WILL be all those things to you and more...<br />
<br />
You are a sweet and wonderful person, and you CAN DO IT!!! <br />
<br />
Then::::: YOU HAVE TO LAY DOWN THE RULES TO HIM:<br />
<br />
1. Don't contact me<br />
2. Don't contact me<br />
3. Don't contact me and<br />
4. Don't contact me!<br />
<br />
<br />
I know these things sound easier said than done, but it's a list of where to start... I wish you all the luck in the world girl.....

He brought the new girl over my housd today. I guess he didn't have anywhere to bring her, she's an addict like him. His mother threw him out, she just got out of rehab but they're both using again. I don't think I feel anything for him anymore but disgust. I don't know why I let him use me.

He's with a new girl now. I'm still a little jealous but on the other hand I kind of hate him. He still calls when he wants something. I try not to answer the phone.

Please don't feel like a loser for that. It's totally understandable to still have feelings for someone even if they did not treat you well. There are many women and men that stay in relationships with someone that treats them badly. At least you've moved on. Best of luck to you!