Any Advice?

Reading the other entries has been good for me, its the first time i have realised that i'm not  the only one who feels this way. It would be good to get some advice from people who don't know me too. Anyway i'm sure those that do are sick of hearing me talk about it!

I've had a 'friendship' with a guy for about a year now. I didn't know him very well he was a friend of a friend really. I had at the time of forming our friendship been single for about a year since coming out of a pretty troublesome relationship and was enjoying the single life. His wife had just suddenley left him and i offered an ear. We began to form a friendship firstly based on me being a shoulder to cry on but quickly realised we had a great connection.  We began seeing each other virtually every day sharing our hopes, dreams and fears. He has told me things he has never told a soul not even his wife. I too have bared my soul to him.  I trust him implicitly which is a massive thing for me as i have been betrayed find it hard to trust.(In fact its more that i don't trust my own judgement anymore) So our relationship developed into a sexual relationship also. I am head over heels in love with him, but he doesn't want a relationship as he still loves his wife and feels that he's not ready. He is a good person and i know he is not intentionally hurting me but it is killing me inside. We are virtually having a relationship he knows that i love him but we aren't having a relationship(if that makes sense) I decided it was time to try and move on and went out on a date with another guy. When i told him he didn't like it and felt jealous saying he never realised how much he felt for me until this point. I didn't go out with the other guy again but nothing has changed. I ask him to let me go and find love with someone who can return it. I'm so unhappy when i'm not with him and i know he is happier with me. He says he doesn't think he could ever love me. I keep putting on a brave face and am carrying on sleeping with him and spending the majority of my time with him but it is taking its toll on me. It probably sounds pathetic but i am so depressed, i know there are other factors in my life also causing the depression but this has got to a big contributor. By him not loving me back i feel so ugly and fat and vile, i feel i am losing a grip on reality and am just so unhappy. I know i should walk away but can't help feeling that we will be together(probably totally disillusioned) He admitted he can't keep away from me. Is there any hope. What if i walk away and he wants me when its too late. I usually believe whats meant to be will be. I'm just finding it hard to digest my own words.

LemonSherbet LemonSherbet
26-30, F
4 Responses Aug 6, 2007

Hi I understand where you are as I have been in a simular situation myself. My advice would be to not see this gent for a while. Let him miss you and value your qualities and if the relationship is meant to be things will work out and he will realise what needs to be done. Value yourself first of all cause if you don't no one else will in return!

I really do hope things work out for you, whichever path that may mean.<br />
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But just some info, I was back-and-forth with a chick (from friends, to a standard bf/gf scenario, to "oh we're soulmate" to lovers and back again) for 7 years, until I finally dawned on me how much more investment I saw myself putting in the relationship than her; that was really damaging to have spent so much time to realize it didn't work. I'm just saying be wary and cautious with where you hang your heart!

He might be a nice guy....I mean that most are....But he has you be the nose....and he knows it....<br />
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He is not willing to let the past go....To me...He sounds as if he wants his cake...and to eat it too...<br />
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He might be waiting on his wife to come back...And in the mean time he is playing wifey with you....He get his sex...and someone that is his little puppy dog...What better thing for a man

You truly love him that's y you are not just having sexual relationship with him but you also want to be committed to him. But have you ever thought y he's not ready to get committed when he knows u love him so much?? Either he's waiting for his wife or he's ok now coz he's got u to whom he's able to share all his experiences and in his wife's absence, he's even got what he lacks..and all that without marriage...wht could have been a better life than this for a man..He might be good to you but you do have feelings also.. I think you should better separate and find someone else...