TIRED of Trying and Getting Nowhere

BEEN MARRIED FOR GOING ON 5 YRS.  FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS MY EFFORTS OF BEING A GOOD HUSBAND HAVE FALLEN ON A COLD HEART.  I AM NOT PERFECT BUT I FEEL THAT I AM A VERY GOOD HUSBAND.  MY WIFE DOESN'T GO A DAY WITHOUT ME TELLING HER HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS. SHE CAN'T CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT HER APPEARANCE WITH ME NOTICING. RECENTLY OUR FIGHTS HAVE CAUSED ME A GREAT DEAL OF STRESS SO MUCH SO THAT I HAD TO HAVE A STRESS TEST AND THEN A HEART CATHITOR.  I AM ONLY 32 YRS OLD.  I AM SICK OF THE FIGHTING AND CONSTANT BICKERING.  3 WEEKS AGO A CUSTOMER CAME INTO MY PLACE OF BUSINESS.  SHE WAS PRETTY AND VERY INTERESTING IN THE SINCE THAT SHE WAS CAREFREE.  1WEEK LATER THIS WOMAN CALLED ME AND IN BASICLLY ASKED ME OUT.  I INFORMED HER I WAS MARRIED AND FLIRTED A LITTLE WHICH I DO ON A REGULAR BASES.  I NEVER LET IT GET OUT OF CONTROL. NOT EVEN CLOSE.  1 WEEK AFTER THAT THE WOMAN CAME IN AGAIN TO MY PLACE OF BUSINESS FOR WORK.  AT THIS TIME MY MARRIAGE WAS NOTHING MORE TO ME THAN A HEART ATTACK WAITING TO HAPPEN.  THIS WOMAN MADE MY CHEST PAIN GO AWAY.  THIS CAUGHT MY ATTENTION GREATLY FOR I WAS FEELING VERY DOWN.  I ALLOWED THINGS TO ESCALATE.  WANTED THEM TO INFACT.  THIS WENT ON FOR ANOTHER WEEK, MOSTLY TALKING BUT THERE WAS MORE.  I DEVELOPED FEELINGS FOR THIS WOMAN QUICKLY AND DEEPLY.  SHE WAS GETTING EMOTIONALLY TIED TO ME ASWELL.  I RECENTLY TOLD HER THAT IT WAS NOT FAIR TO HER TO ME OR TO MY WIFE TO CONTINUE THIS AFFAIR.  IT WAS SIMPLY TO TAXING ON THE TWO OF US.  FOR IN OUR SHORT ROMANCE WE BOTH FOUND SOMETHING WE GREATLY DESIRED.  MY WIFE HAS BEGGED ME NOT TO GO AND THAT SHE WILL MAKE EFFORTS TO CORRECT HER BEHAVIOR.  I HAVE HEARD THIS BEFORE BUT CAVED IN FOR THE TIME BEING.  MY HEART IS NOT WITH HER.  IT IS WITH THE FLIGHTLY WOMAN WHO HAS LITTLE TO OFFER BUT A WARM HEART.  I MISS HER VERY MUCH.  I DO NOT LOVE MY WIFE.  I DO NOT WANT TO BE THERE BUT YET I FEEL COMPELLED TO GO FOR ONE LAST TRY.  I JUST NEED SOME FEEDBACK.

GOOD OR BAD

UNDERPREPAIRED UNDERPREPAIRED
31-35, M
1 Response Feb 9, 2009

I am with you Underprepaired. I understand exactly what you are going through and feeling (I need to post my own story). Mine is not quite as bad as yours in some aspects but I know the pain and torment you are going through because I am living in a similar situation and completely understand the caving in thing. <br />
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Be honest with yourself. Your caving in and saying "give it one more chance" show your loyalty and to some extent caring for her feelings. I think love changes but that doesn't mean we should go the rest of our lives without feeling like we are loved in return. <br />
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One other thought: women are often portrayed as the victims of domestic violence (which I believe they are when it comes to physical abuse) but there is a much much more insidious type of abuse and that is of the emotional kind. It's not something that you can show pictures of in court, but there are some women out there that are as vicious with their tongues as any strong armed man is with a temper. (not sure that made sense, go with the thought)...the whole line "I will change" is a big indicator. I worry about you. Sometimes, despite the best attempts, despite trying to be the upstanding, loyal, caring husband that we want to be, that society tells us we need to be, that our wives say we have to be, it's just not possible - nor in some cases even healthy. I know your struggle. But, in the end, (not to be selfish) you do have to look out for what's best for you. Just be very very careful though. If you do decide to end the marriage, get a lawyer and don't do ANYTHING that could be construed as aggressive. If things start getting heated up and argumentative, remove yourself from the situation and get out of there. Last thing you need is for her to call the cops claiming domestic violence against you. <br />
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Good Luck and my heart is with you.