Hurt

I'm not even going to rehash the last nine months. There's really no point. All that matters is how I handle today. This hour. This minute. This second. I have been good for seven years. I did what I had to do. I sacrificed where I had to. I lived how I had to. Tried to be the best example of a woman to my daughter. This caused me many lonely nights. But hey, it's what I had to do. In my heart there has always been only one person. One man that I have loved unconditionally. One man that I would lay down my life for. Those two statements are profound. Because as he has continuously hurt me, time after time, I have always stuck around. Now grant it, he did do a 7 year bid and I could have been a little better in the situation, but hurt is hurt and past is past. He has no idea how many letters I really wrote but didn't send. How many money orders I purchased but couldn't afford to send. Doesn't matter now. What matters is that I spent the last seven years trying to mend my hurt. Trying to heal. When I thought there was a chance for us, being that we supposedly had grown, I jumped. It's my fault for being vulnerable though. If the last seven years have taught me anything, it's to hold my heart. Not to trust anybody. Be as conniving as the wolves preying on sheep like me. Stay one step ahead of the game. Love is a nasty 4-letter word that people use to their advantage. I am too old for sex buddies... too old for these he said/she said high school games... too old for tears... too old to be weak... TOO OLD TO KNOW BETTER!!! So today I'm taking my life back. Taking every lesson I learned and running with it. All I can pray is that I am not too damaged to accept love from someone who genuinely wants to hold my heart.  

FUBAB FUBAB
26-30
2 Responses Feb 14, 2009

well said Lady...cheers 2 u..

Well said..I'm going to take a page from your book.