I Feel Confused

Mine isn't past tense. I've been with this guy for a while and I made the mistake of telling him I loved him. I do dearly, but he told me that he doesnt love me but he doesnt want anyone else and hes content with me and our relationship. That makes me feel like crap. Why be in a relationship that your not really into? We're moving to georgia together and I keep wondering is this how its always gonna be? Is he just gonna find someone else and when he does get rid of me? He's a really nice and sweet guy, but I just don't understand why he wants to be in a relationship with me.

Marie2009 Marie2009
22-25, F
5 Responses Feb 18, 2009

I am currently at the end of an 8 year marriage to someone that never was in love with me. I wish I had listened to my gut 8 years ago. I thought he would grow to love me. We got married had a child (he's now 6) and just last month on our 8th wedding anniversary he told me he doesn't love me, never has, doesn't want a romantic relationship with me, moved into another bedroom and basically said we can live together as roomates for the sake of our child. I am in the worse pain I have ever been in. Believe me, if I had known how much I would hurt, I never would have married him and had a child. I was so in love with him that I thought that was enough to make him love me. The past year he has been cruel, says very hurtful things and only cares about himself. Financially it is very difficult for me to move right now (and he won't move out), so, I am trying to save money, wait for the school year to end and then move my son and I to the state where my parents are. I am 47 years old and the thought of starting over again is agonizing. You are still young and have a lot of life ahead. We are all deserving of someone to love us completely and wholeheartedly.<br />
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Some warning signs I chose to ignore - my husband never had a serious relationship longer than 6 months before I met him and we were both 38 at the time. Everything in his life came first before me. Even now, my son and I are already pretty much like single Mom and son. He is very selfish and spends very little time with us and always has been like this. He has some good qualities (why I fell in love in the first place), but those have long faded. His family was overjoyed when we got married and said they thought he would never grow up and settle down (big warning sign). I am trying my darndest not to hate him, but it is difficult. <br />
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I now will have to have some contact with him for the rest of my life because we have a child together. The hurt is indiscribable and I imagine it will take quite a bit of time to heal. In fact, until we are living under separate roofs, it will be difficult for the healing process to begin.<br />
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So, really put some thought into this. Don't spend years with someone that isn't in love with you, as it only prolongs the hurt and makes it much much worse.<br />
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I am grateful for this site, as I have found so many people with the same life experiences and some pretty good advice along the way.<br />
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I wish you the best with your decision. Only you know what you are willing to live with.

I think the bad part is I'm hoping if I stay in the relationship maybe he'll grow to love me like I love him. We get along really well and we understand each other more the most part. Both of us were in really serious relationships before we got together and we weren't planning on being in a relationship it just happened and we haven't parted. His mom was even surprised that when we met we got along so well and it was like we've known each other for a long time. i know if things dont work out when we move it'll be rough, but i really wanna get out of ohio and do somethin new and different and this is my chance. I know that kinda sounds bad, but i cant keep all my hopes in this relationship.

dont move in with some who dosent love you. Why even think about that? You deserve more then that. I lived with someone who never loved me, but he didnt told me that until it was to late my emotions were already played with. You have a chance, you know what your geting yourself into.

This is really sad. I agree with flour you have lots of thinking to do. All I know is that everyone deserves to be loved.....and not be in a relationship of convenience for someone else.

whoa you may have to think awhile on this one!