I Am a Dumb Idiot

I met this girl and immediately i was smitten by her, she was so nice and showed so much interest in me. we spent hours on the phone talkin to each other and on the internet. well the other night i finaly got up the courage to tell her exactly how i felt about her, and her reply was i like you as a friend. wtf. now when we were writting and talkin it was always ended with "i really miss you" or "i love you" and i thought she did. then i opened up my stupid mouth and asked her, should have just kept it closed and continued with the make beleive that she really loved me. i guess i should have known better though, why would a girl like her be interested in a guy that weighs too much and suffers from ptsd from military service. i feel like such a loser, i went back to cutting myself again to stop the pain that i felt in my heart. all this and she wants to still be "friends" with me. ya like i am gonna sit around and watch other guys with her when it should be me not them. I am soo angry that i would probably really hurt someone besides myself. Now what do i do? i am so ****** confused right now all i do is drink vodka all night long.

jerrio36 jerrio36
36-40, M
Feb 21, 2009