My First Love

OK, heres my story. I was 19 at the time, and fell inlove with a gorgeous singer. He was my everything, within 2 months we had a our fair share of life problems already so it made us grow closer. I moved in with him, even though my family didnt approve. After a year i could say i was honestly happy, content at age 20 and was so inlove i was already picturing the house we would have kids in and grow old. Slowly he started to change. The fights got worse, actually abusive, he would rip up my photos before i got home from work coz he'd be angry at me for something, punch me in the back when i tried to walk away from him. He tried to choke me, cheated on me with women and get this, men too. He was losing it, i found out he was hiding drugs, and was doing everything in his power to hurt me. There are too many to name.

But for my bad luck, i had already given my heart to him. I stayed for a while, trying my best to ignore the problems, or talk about them when they got really bad. In the end no matter how much i loved this man, he was trouble, he was destroying me and my happiness. So i pulled in all the courage i had and i packed my things and moved back to my home town.

It was the hardest thing to do, to leave the man i loved. I knew he didnt deserve me, i knew i could do better, but how do i take back my heart i once gave him. I am now 23 and i still havent found anyone special enough to deserve me. I get so lonely but refuse to settle after what i have been through. But the sad thing is, i still hurt, still think about him, still miss the good times. I cry for hours, even 2 years later, i still cry. How can i forget him, the days dont get easier, i know im alot happier without him, but my heart is broken. I found out off a friend he is now married to a woman with the same name as me, and moved back into the units we once shared.

I feel sorry for this girl and hope he isnt treating her the way he did me. I am out there dating, i am smiling and laughing all the time, but behind closed doors im a wreck, 2 YEARS LATER! Songs remind me of him, seeing ppl kissing reminds me of him. Its too late to get closure from him, i couldnt bare to see him again, ever. But how can i get my heart back, i cant just ask for it. Can i?

sammiej333 sammiej333
3 Responses Feb 24, 2009

i havent stopped looking, but i get scared to take that leap of faith to trust someone again. So when i last saw the signs i ran from him. He was perfect too. But i wasnt ready i spose. Should relationships take over 2 years to get over, i just dont think its normal.

You did the right thing getting away from him. Have faith- YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE AGAIN, and when you do, you will feel so wonderful that you will forget all about him, and see what a jerk he was. Just make sure that you are not so absorbed with his memories that you miss the signs of love when it arrives again

I am soo sorry to hear about your be able to give your heart and every bit of yourself to someone who does not want it, or who does not realize what he has, it is more than just heart breaking....something that I can not even describe....I know how you feel, I was in a relationship for 9 years.....and it is not being away from the person, it is everything that I had given for her happiness.....I hope you will find happiness in your life..."that special someone who loves you just that same......