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It Takes Two

I cannot say that I knew the power and despondency of unrequited love until about a year back.  I had begun writing a sizeable project and had been looking in vain for someone to edit my work.  It was a project that totally engaged me, and as such, I feared rejection and overly harsh criticism. 

I found hope in someone I had known from college who was living in my city, and who I had seen on various occassions.  She had writing experience, so I took a chance and told her what I was doing and what I hoped to get out of my project.  She expressed a great deal of interest, and I sent her what I had. 

Her help with the project was amazing.  I felt like I was living in a dream to have found someone who could provide such tremendous assistance to my project.  As we continued to meet and I as I continued to review her comments and ideas, I found myself falling deeply for her. 

What to do in such a situation?  Reveal my feelings somehow and risk losing a friend and contributor to my own project? Or take a chance that something quite beautiful might grow out of this working relationship? 

I took a middle path of sorts -- drop large hints about my feelings but not announce anything, see how she responded, and take it from there.  So I would call on the weekends to see what she might be doing, or after our meetings I would ask her to dinner or to go for a walk, something along those lines.  At all times, my advances were rejected, and I surmised that she simply wasn't interested.  At this point I was hoping for more but again I was afraid to lose what I had with her. 

Yet as we continued to meet and discuss I could swear that she liked me as well.  My intuition was ringing loud and clear that she had feelings for me, which made things all the more confusing as my increasingly risk-less suggestions were continually rebuffed. 

After we had gotten through a first draft, I asked her if she could help me with a second draft and she readily agreed.  I began in earnest to write and I found myself writing not only for me, but for her as well.  I couldn't wait to share with her what I was writing.

Then, everything collapsed.   Suddenly, one day, she stopped returning my phone calls and writing back to my emails.   I didn't know what to do -- the one person with whom I could speak to about my writing decided no longer to be a part of my life in any manner.  I was crushed. 

I kept working on the project by myself but it was difficult to do so because at every moment I was continually reminded of her influence.  I sent her an email once a month for a few months to see if she might be willing to talk to me.  She responded occassionally with short one line responses, certainly nothing of great emotional value.  It took me considerable time to get over her. 

We don't choose our attractions to others; rather, the attractions choose us.    But what we decide to do with those attractions -- ignore them or cultivate them -- is the essence of choice and also the essence of love.  After all, when we are in love with someone, do we not decide at every moment  to continue to love them?  That no matter the physical appearance, financial situation, or emotional hardship our lover goes through, we have chosen to create and maintain a unique bond of affection, trust, and sexuality? 

And it is here where we encounter the unique pain of unrequited love.  Unrequited love is the knowledge that our imagination and our feelings have made that choice, but our actions have yet to manifest them into reality.  The unrequited lover pines, hopes, and fantasizes, but somehow can never figure out how to incarnate the glorious potential of that love.  The passion of the emotion energizes the soul but also chars it.  Without any outlet, unrequited love turns stale and atrophies into unhealthy obsession, misdirected anger, or just depression at the situation. 

Nonetheless,  we are creatures destined for companionship.  The lesson from unrequited love is that it takes two people to cultivate a romance, and while we can make our own decision on the matter, we cannot force others to choose to love us back.  Nor would we want to; for it is the decision to open one's heart to another, to make oneself completely vulnerable and at the mercy of the other party that is the intoxicating reality of love.  The most we can do -- and should do -- is to simply move on and await the next inevitable romantic encounter.
Seraph1m Seraph1m 26-30, M 67 Responses Feb 14, 2006

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I'm going through it right now. It's so hard to love someone who doesn't, and will never, love you back.

<p>Beautifully written! So well stated, and I couldn't have expressed it any better if I tried. Really touching to read, and explore how many ways I can identify with it. Very touching and so ...true!</p>

well said seriously! u hit the spot at the corner of my heart.....

Bravo!! Thank God! You put into words what I have been dealing with for far too many years! It was with someone I thought was a friend and trusted more than anyone, and because of several things happening, he will not speak to me and I will probably never be able to tell him how I really felt about him.

I love your story and all the comments posted. Im going through such a tough time with loving someone who doesnt love me back anymore and these kind of stories put a smile on my face cuz it goes to show im not alone

Thank you.

great story we have to move on we start with a name called love because we are passionate to being loved or to love someone if happens it was good for us if not our true shades will come out,and come to know all the feeling we have ,at once suddenly......................

Oh my lordie, that is so very sad babydoll... But, in all honesty, you write beautifully...Absolutely...
She blew it. ok...
ox
page

I had been in love with this dude for like 6 years and he totally humiliated me. I haven't gotten over him and I don't think I ever will.

=( forget about him and find someone better

You must be a writer

i hold a very strong love for a woman that has no concern for me at all, that i can understand, altho she has been to me ,shewants nothing to do with me and i can see why, i'am a 63 year old man , shes 4o years old ,shes beautiful and black , i'm a little overweight, bald and on oxygen, and white, iwent to visit her while she was having treatments for breast cancer and ended up falling completely in love with her, head over heels in love with her, and i have no idea what in the world is wrong with me that i couldn't see she would never want me ,she can get any guy she wants ,why would she settle for me?this love i feel for hert is making me insane, i know she doesn't want anything to do with me, but i feel such strong love for her i kinda feel like its all i have to hold unto for her and i embrace the love rather than shed it and move on, but you gave GOOD ADVICE.thank you

Your story is so much like mine! I edited the book of the man I fell in love with, but he didn't want me. When I told him my feelings, he basically told me he was a monk and did not "do romance." I tried to get closer to him, but he gently rebuffed me. I still can't believe he used me the way he did. He never had a publisher and was just wasting my time with the editing. I think he just loved the attention. It's so weird that our stories are so similar.

I'm interested to know if he paid you for editing his work and if you read to much into the situation?

No he didn't pay me. He wasted my time totally and continually lied to me. No, I did not read to much into the situation. He was using his charm to use me. I've seen stopped speaking or dealing with him. I've come to find he lied about pretty much everything he ever told me and is having an affair with one of his students. The old saying is true, "rejection is God's protection." I'm glad I never got any closer to the turd.

I loved someone once for 23 years and it was only that I realized people change. However, you know that saying..."there's so much fish out there in the sea that you can choose from" to fit the same out look in life or the same need. Therefore, don't think you will not find the Mr. Right you never know... when your not looking he will probably find you.

You have my heartfelt sympathy. While I was reading it, it gave me the chills that it is so true.

Unrequited love is possibly life's greatest tragedy, in my opinion. Apart from the death of a loved one, I don't believe anything can hurt so deeply or for so long. I have loveed a man every day for over 15 years who hasn't loved me. And I have been loved by a man for 10 years who I love completely, but not with the same passion. I watch him suffer, I watch myself suffer...it's awful. I feel for you my friend.

Look up the song IT TAKES TWO BABY

Seldom do we cross paths with such an artistic, eloquent writer! Thank you for sharing your gift of words with us. I would like to read more of your writings. Do you have any that you would like to share?

Thank you for your words. They help so much. I felt so alone today, the day after I verbalized my feelings. The day after I stood in my want. I spent 2 months working with and falling in love with this man. This man who I wish I had met 15 yrs ago - and could have shared a real life with. This man who has so many wonderful qualities I love. A guy who renewed my faith in love and in men. A guy who has the perfect blend of so many qualities: Global yet local; Kind yet assertive; Genius and not arrogant; Refined yet gritty and cool; Corny yet mature; An artist and still practical. Why is life so hard at times. Why can't he return the feelings. Why couldn't life have worked out with him. It seems so unfair. Truly, today your words helped me feel a bit connected after I wept.

Fate made me tell someone how I felt and for once the answer I got was in the positive ok we do have one or two issues but what we have is on the whole great. But saying that I know what you feel and its hard which is why the fact that for me its worked is just so wonderful.

It is nice to see that somebody can eloquently put into words how I feel right now, although I wish nobody had to feel like this it is nice to be reminded that I am not alone. Thank you.

Thank you for that eloquently worded and heartfelt post. As a fellow sufferer I can sincerely say that I am sorry for your loss. I hope in time we both will discover what requited love feels like.

so how bout now? did you ever meet her and ask her about the abrupt ending? why did she do it?

i think youre leaving something out. why would she ignore you?

Well one thing for sure, you do have a gift for writing I enjoyed reading your piece and I'm sorry you didn't get the girl. but in these times romance is a reflection of the images we see on TV, so we may encounter the same doom in our search for happiness as they do.<br />
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I'm sad to say that love is the only thing man and woman have to feel the same for is true love, but it comes naturally either you feel it or you don't.

You accompanied me as well with your well-shaped composition- you are just the another man with a common desease--overcome it!<br />
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It shows that you are: insightful, understand the life, knowledgeable about attracting the readers....<br />
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But also the fact is that it's just not enough for someone- Every girl has pre-thought expectations from a her to-be-Mr.Right, she might have had too, which might not have been seen in you. it also doesn't mean that you don't deserve her, it simply meansit didn't catch her heart by core.<br />
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As we age so does our life--it has to move on...You never know, there may be someone else in store who is to fall for you!<br />
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Cheers!!!!!

This story touched me, you explained the feeling so well. I wish you more than well

Ouch. That really bites. And your wisdom toward the end was a harsh but very much needed reality check. So thank you. And your writing is lovely, by the way. Very well articulated! Hope you find a special girl that loves you as much as you love her!

wonderful! I can relate your story because right now I'm in love with someone whom I don't know his feelings towards me... All I know is I'm soooooooo in love with him.

You expressed the feeling so well. It is a painful thing to go through, but can also open the door for personal growth.<br />
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Thank you for sharing this with us.

I wish there was some magic potion for unrequited love, to either make the love grow in one's heart, or cure the fire of the other.<br />
In your case, your love was distilled in this beautiful story, your feelings were not lost in vain.<br />
Keep writing, the greatest works that endure through time were done by people that went through deep pain, not by people happily living an ordinary life:)))