When I was 16 I fell in love with a very beautiful young man. He purred when he talked and had the sweetest brown curls and doe brown eyes. I can close my eyes to this day and I remember the little brown mole on his right arm, his long creamy neck. I was mad for him.
We dated for nearly three years, in that time I learned to blame myself for the names he called me. The anger I made spew out of him. I learned that I was never enough to consume this person. He was forever finding new women to indulge his ego. At one point of our relationship I found out he had maintained another relationship for almost a year of ours, and I had to beg for him to choose me. He made me feel beautiful and he made me feel worthless. Sometimes I wonder who I would be if I had missed this beautiful man. Sometimes some people aren't worth loving.
MonetChere MonetChere
22-25, F
6 Responses Aug 17, 2014

I'm in this relationship now. The different is I'm married to him and have two beautiful daughter. He is verbally and physically abusing me. We been together for almost 10 years and I just found out that he never stop seeing his ex. I wanted him to decide to take her or me and the kids. He yelled, hit me and went to her. I'm hurt more inside than outside. I just don't understand how can people can be so mean and so bad...

It breaks my heart to hear this. He DOES NOT deserve you. My ex boyfriend was incredibly verbally abusive and when he began to get physically abusive I left him. For the sake of your daughters don't be with him because you think it's best they have a father, my mother stayed with my father for that same reason and I wish she hadn't! Though he was no where near as bad as you describe your husband to be, your daughters will thank you for taking care of yourself. I do understand too though that you fall in love with someone completely different than the person they become to you, you can't hold onto that person that you thought he was because an abuser will always abuse. I pray you find the strength to leave and the will to love yourself so much you'd never let him hurt you again!

Thank you! I'm trying to be strong and leave. Although I haven't decide what to do at this moment. He is a good father and good son but just not a husband. Everything just happened and I still love him w all my heart. But again I know I shouldn't stay w someone that doesn't love and respect me. I thought I found a good partner but I guess not. I hope my heart will decide soon.

Only you can decide what is best for you. I promise you that getting beat physically or emotionally is no where near what you can have from life. Love is such a strong hold, so love yourself more! Love yourself first.

Thank you! And I do love myself! You are such a young beautiful inside out. I'm glad to know you here.

Anytime you're feeling overwhelmed or down I would love to talk to you about whatever you please, I really wish the best for you!

Thank you! I will add you in my circle.

3 More Responses

Hi I have a boyfriend for 10years but we broke up 5days ago. Ive learned that we have to forgive the people who hurt us no matter how hard it is. Because its them who needs understanding and for us we need to love ourselves by giving up to the people whos hurting us.

Ten years is an incredible about of time to sacrifice to a person, when we love though it is no sacrifice at all. I am so sorry to hear it, it's clear that there was something special there to be together for so long. You're so right though, we have to give up what isn't right for us. You deserve to be loved and cherished. Never stop looking and never give up on love, it's so worth it.

Tsk. The only good things you said about him were of his physical appearance, nothing of his character. Love? I think not.

How does it feel to be that judgmental? Because the characteristics of a persons nature weren't described with depth you believe you can brand something love or not love? You're a stranger, how can you possibly think you know anything about my feelings? Tsk. Silly.

Okay then. What did you like about him in terms of personality?

From the moment I met him he seemed genuinely concerned about my physical well being when a girlfriend and I ended up stranded late at night. He had regard and empathy for a total stranger, that was new for me. He was so open and intelligent in the best kind of way, he welcomed discussion even if it led to a debate and was constantly pushing me to explore the intellectual realm. He was smart, there was no denying. But he was intelligent because he wanted to be better and had a curiosity that compelled him to learn and learn. He was open and free from petty judgments. There's really no way to define why you love a person, I loved all these different aspects of who he was and through three years I was continually learning more and more. Some of it was great and some of it was horrid.

**** him it's his lost cause your a beautiful woman and the way you express you self it seems that you have soo mush to give to a perso soo don't you worry cause that lucky guy will come into your life and when he does it's goig to be great.

Thank you very much! I hope for other women's sake he learns how to love without bruising. That's what happens when you love someone who is unhappy within themselves.

You very welcome friend :)

Move on.

Forgive and forget him, don't dwell like how I did. But I certainly know that feeling considering it happen 4 times in the course of 5 years... I've already felt bad, but at this point I felt like nothing. But still I did what I had. I degraded my standard for someone who enjoy watching me suffer for being to nice, worst part they replied with this - I don't love you anymore. But I'm happy now... Or at least I try to be. Seeing as I could past do many army and marine cft and pt, I'm also a let 1 with the highest pt score from raider. So yeah... Achievements from DL to Food handler certificate... But depression still comes and goes.

Sometimes the best thing to do is step away from other people and to focus inward. I forgave him a long time ago. I've moved on with my life and it feels amazing. Though I still get ever so slightly melancholy when remembering the past.
I'm sorry to hear that love has been unkind to you. But it'll happen so beautifully one day for you, there's no other way for those who have faith.

Haha, faith? Pssh Naw sorry not that type if guy, if I want something I'll go out and earn it.

You can have faith that it'll happen and still be active in your endeavors. The two can coincide.