Too Many Wrong Men

I am not a normal 25 year old. I have a bachelors degree in psychology, I hold down a very good job. I have two children, I have only very, very, few close friends that I rarely go out with because I am not the "bar hoppin" type. So why do I find all the wrong men. I was with one man for 7 years. I met him when I was 16 and we were married at 19 years old. From that point on I grew into a mature adult and responsible mother and he was focused on something different. In a 6 month time frame I wanted love that I did not get from him so I met a man who I really tried to tell myself was not a good idea and when I finally gave in I became pregnant and low and behold, he disappears! It was almost 2 years before I had any type of contact with a man, sexual, emotional, or even on a friendship basis. I started work and met a man who I considered to be a great man. He was single, had children, sweet, and most of the qualities I look for. This relationship I had built with him lasted over a year but after 7 months I didnt talk to him for a week and he came back to work MARRIED! At that point I was so in love I could not let go and hated the fact that I was someone he came to when his marriage had a difficulty. All the sudden I became the women I hated when I was married. I suddenly met a man who I tried so hard to push away and avoid but could not. Once I started noticing I had any type of feelings I cut off all contact with the married man which I never thought I would be able to do. The short amount of time I spent with him was awsome! The only problem was his experiences in his past up until today were, everyone he has ever gotten close to has screwed him over. So now I have been put in a position where I know for sure he likes me but he is so scared of me hurting him he has purposely pushed me away as soon as the feelings started. I let mine progress hoping he  would see how much I want to be there for him, love him, and trust him as well as him trusting me. This is the type of guy who loves but shows it in a odd way because he is not the emotional type. I want him to understand I would not hurt him but he believes that I might. He has a few problems of his own he needs to work through but the fact that he believes he dont need anyone because 'he has never had anyone for the past 14 yrs' has made it easier for him to all the sudden cut off contact. He has noticed that he started having feelings and now he is purposely making sure they dont go any further. At this point I am so in love with this person I am at a loss for words. There is really nothing I can do at this point than to let him do what he needs to do even though I know he is making a mistake. It just sucks that the last two men I have been with ended up not being or being scared of returning my love which I wanted to give whole heartedly too. It is such a average question to ask, how do you get over it or deal with it. It may all come in time which I know it will, but with no one to talk to or be there because that was the person you went to really makes it even more difficult to do.

JaymiP2k JaymiP2k
22-25
3 Responses Mar 2, 2009

You have written this story two years ago. I hope you have found a man who really loves you now and you can love him back. I hope you are happy now. I'm also reading now Robin Norwood's book, "women who love too much" and it has already changed my way of thinking. I hope you are reading it or you have read it. All the best.

I agree with Singleliving a man who says he is afraid to love you is certainly telling a lie. Wake up and smell the coffee girl! I have dated such guys until quite recently when I could not put up with the pain anymore. I've decided to respect myself and ditch any such loser. Don't get me wrong I know its really hard to change patterns of relating as I am changing myself so I know where you are coming from. I recommend a book called 'women who love too much' by Robin Norwood. This book has changed my life, it might help you too. Its also quite cheap to buy. Anyway, I wish you well.

sounds like these two guys have raised the bar for you. how about setting a goal to become immensely successful...it's the greatest revenge out there