How Do You Stop Loving a Close Friend?

Hi I am a gay women in a loving committed relationship and about to have our first child. The problem is that since I was in my early 20's, I'm now 33 I have constantly fallen in love with my close girlfriends. Currently, this is causing me problems because, it's so hard when you're in love with a close friend because you can't exclude them from your life, even when they're hurting you without realising,because they don't feel the same way. I hate the fact that I interpret every little nuance and look for meaning in every interaction, I feel pathetic, needy and weak.

I just want to stop this bahviour and focus all my attention on my partner, but how do I do that without ending the friendship with this other woman?

Anyone else been in a similar situation? Anyone else long for a closeness and intimicy with other women?
emmsie emmsie
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 15, 2007

I can identify with your story. I am in love with my "friend". We own a home together. We have shared an ongoing affair now for over five years. It's strictly sexual, she says she's straight, and that she is not in love with me. It's extremely painful, and I have fallen deeper into my depression over it. It's the most complicated situation I have ever been in. The funny thing is, she chased me. She secuced me. I refused, refused, and refused some more. I was not attracted to her at all. Then one day, I got hit between the eyes. We agreed it would just be for fun. No strings. Once it happened, it was over. I was under her spell. I don't know how. I don't know why. Now, I don't know what to do. I have tried to become interrested in other people. It just won't happen. I know one day she will meet someone. I worry about it every day. I just live one day at a time. Knowing she doesn't love me hurts. The whole situation has ruined my life. I lost my job because I was too depressed to function. I have lost touch with all of my former friends. I am completely consumed with a hopeless situation.