And So It Goes On...

So an update is in order:

   "S." and I are are still in that uneasy truce, and we've had limited contact (mostly my doing). She's let me into some insights recently; she's kept most of the writings I've sent her, flowers, as well as a few musings (A late night drunken rendition of "Should I stay or should I go", saved to her voicemail.) She's also made efforts to contact me on more than a few occasions recently. She questions if I'm angry with her, I tell her I'm not. (Disappointment rings in between my ears, however.) And she's entered into a relationship with another woman (I'm not entirely shocked, I'm not entirely surprised.). Confused I still am, but she is a bit of an enigma. She asked me if I was jealous of it (her new relationship.) and honestly, I'm not. I think that's what puzzles me. I probably should be mad, I probably should be jealous, but the way I see it, she's returning to the familiar and comfortable, and there's no way I can currently compete with that. Since my first promise to her was that I'd never force her into anything, I think I'm still abiding by that promise.

  My best friend told me recently that I'm probably the most compassionate soul he's ever known. I've been taking some comfort into that.  Actions speak louder than words, and the fact that she hasn't made any effort to disavow any remnants of where we were headed, the fact that we've begun to talk about the turn of events that led to the initial failure of our relationship, and that she hasn't closed the door on me, leads me to believe that she's pretty confused right now, and the best thing I could do is be there for her, and not try to influence any of her decisions.

  I love this woman, and she IS beginning to realize that.

My only fear at this point is that eventually, regardless of the outcome, someone will be hurt in the process.

I wish that on no one.

I don't know if given the situation, this would be construed as "cheating", or even if the other party is even aware that I'm still in her life.

I'm pretty confused.

I'm trying real hard not to read into this any more than it actually is.
ADisposableHero ADisposableHero
36–, M
Aug 16, 2007