Can't Stop Now.

I met him at a show and we became email buddies, since he lived a couple of hours away. He was smart, funny, and such a good writer that I fell for him before I ever really spent any time with him. When we finally went out, he was so much fun that I asked for a kiss at the end of the date. He gave me one and I was in love.

He came to a party one night and we ended up making out in my bed. He told me so many wonderful things and held me to his chest and seemed so happy and hopeful about everything. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, to have found someone like him. In the morning, though, things were different. He told me he didn't want to have a girlfriend at all and I couldn't believe him. I spent a year going on road trips and spending weekends with him. We slept in the same bed but never had sex. I just kept falling deeper in love with him. He wants to stay close friends, but he won't have anything to do with any relationship. He says having a girlfriend is too much trouble. I know that trouble is nothing when the right girl is involved, and this means that he really doesn't love me. I can hardly believe it; I'm a good person with a good life and a lot going for me, but he just doesn't want it. Eventually I became bitter and drove him crazy talking about the situation.  Now he says he doesn't want to talk about it any more, but he wants to stay close friends. Am I supposed to be able to do that?

The worst thing is that he's a great guy, one of the good ones, and I screwed it all up. I probably won't ever get that chance again.