It's Been Awhile Since I've Been Here

Over the last few months I've been getting my head back on straight and have started to get back to the person I was before all the drama of last year. Because of that I haven't had to visit this group and get the negative stuff out. I last night found out from a third party source that for the time I was with my ex Mary, she was cheating on me with some guy named Mike...

All the emotions I felt for this person all the time and effort I went into her well being and welfare and I find out now that she was ******* some guy named Mike...

She even has hotel reservations for May, King bed 2 people...

If you are sensitive to language you may wish to stop reading because I'm about to let loose a few cuss words just to get these feelings out, to vent...

 I know she will never read this but it's more for me right now and I don't need anyone commenting thanks

So like I said I haven't been here for sometime and all the negativity and depression I have been going through was for a cheating *****

You ***** you used me and ****** some ******* all the while. I spent thousands of dollars on you and went without, went in to ******* debt because I thought you cared. You played me and I never caught on. Yeah that makes me a ******* idiot but I trusted you. I cared about your self serving cheating *** and I was a moron for doing so. I j hope you rot in ******* hell you ***** and I hope beyond hope that you die alone. That this Mike walks out on you like I should have and you spend your last days ALONE! I hope you call me just once more because I will tell your sorry *** off and say everything I  just typed here. I have never hated anyone as much as I hate you right now.

All the emotions I felt, all the love I had, all the concern I ever had for you and your family is gone...

Purged from me by your cheating black heart

All that is left is hatred... pure hatred... even the thought of you makes me sick

 

**** You...

 

I'm going to log out of EP for the rest of the day because to all those who have been there for me through all the grief and suffering, through the depression and the self hatred I went through, today's feeling would not be fair to all of you. I don't feel like joking around in the groups, I don't feel like laughing, I'm mad right now and I would not want that anger to show to the people I have gotten close to here on EP.

The above rant is not the way I normally am. This is the first time i have ever called an ex a name... I've even  been cheated on before, twice. Both times I did not get this angry. I guess this one was "the one" I really thought she and I would have gotten married. which is something I had not given thought to for sometime.The other two I can look back and tell myself I was not so serious about them to have let my emotions get the better of me. I still even now will not call them names as it doesn't hurt. And I should know that I'm better off. CK means so much to me now that I would not of even "gone back" to Mary had I not found out this but I'm still hurt and I don't know why...  CK was on the phone with me last night when I found out about this and she was so supportive. I told her I was fine and I thought I was but I've been here at work and the anger has been building. Though the above rant helps I need some time away to again get my head straight else I will fall back into the pit of self loathing that the thought of Mary seems to bring out of me.

 

 

Goodbye for now

Das

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dasmuggler dasmuggler
36-40, M
Mar 15, 2009