She Still Gave Me Something...

 She was my best friend and, in many ways, closer than a sister. I knew her for 4 years or so. We, and my other best friend created a Coven together. We were like sisters. the bond we forged was unbreakable, so I thought.

Last September, she said she fell in love with me and my husband. we allowed ehr into our marriage. I loved her so much for so long, that I figured I would eventually develop the romantic feelings as well.

Eventually, I did. She reminded me how I loved my husband, how I felt in the beginning of our relationship. She made me feel love and specil. She was so sweet and wonderful to me. Attentive, caring, wonderful. I felt better than i had in a long time. I felt special. I was her girl. She told me that she could never be with him alone, that I as what held us all together. She said she respected me more than anyone else, that I was the most amazing person she had ever known, that she loved me like she hadn't loved anyone before. Those were some of the happiest months of my life. 

In February, it came out that she was actually only interested in my husband. It also came out that in Dec and Jan, the two of them had an affair behind my back. I was devastated on so many levels. My best friend betrayed me, my sister lied to me, my lover didn't really love me. And that doesn't even take into account the feelings I had about what my husband had done.

She tried to get him to leave me for her. she told him if he stayed with me, I would destroy him. She told him that I was emotionally abusive. She said I am a poison in her life and that she doesn't want me in it anymore. The crazy part of it all is that I wanted so badly to see if the friendship could be salvaged, or if we could at least talk it out. She wants no part of me, or any sort of talk.

I am crushed. I lost one of the loves of my life, as well as my best friend. I lost the person who made me feel special, like a human, like a woman. And most likely, it was all a lie anyway. All of the love I had for her was based on lies and manipulations.

BUT, I've come to realise that, while her side was most likely a lie, my feelings weren't, and aren't. I will never forget how wonderful, how beautiful, how good I felt when I was with her. That love was one of the reasons I wanted to be a better person. whether it was real or fake on her part, my feelings were real. Nothing can take that from me. And the positive changes I have made for myself, and continue to make, they are real as well. I will try not to dwell on the question of how she could do that to me, I will try not to dwell on the deceit. What I will try to remember is how good I felt. I will try to remember how it felt. I will try to keep that in my heart and remember how I want someone to make me feel. I know what it feels like to be in love. 

Surujen Surujen
31-35, F
5 Responses Mar 15, 2009

Wow, that is low that someone would do that. No idea what to tell you.

Golden Girls is my favorite show :) And Sophia's Sicily stories were a highlight.

I want to write my own experience about this here but I don't know where to start..Atleast witout sounding like the golden girls.."Sicily 1932"

Love in some form will always be in your life whether you realise it or not.But to remember what it is to be in love never forget that

im sorry this had to happen to you!