He Wants a Divorce and I Am Still In Love With Him

My husband of only 9 months filed for a no fault divorce, i had not a clue that there was something wrong.  We have known each other for almost 5 years he was my best friend, my lover and my life.  He was my everything.  He wouldn't hear me out and try to give us a second chance for our marriage.  He just walked out the door leaving me with the house and the bills and only paying less then half.  i want to do anything that i can to try to save my marriage but i don't know where to start.  After he left he hasn't been himself, its like he is a stranger to me that i have never wanted to know but, then there are times where my husband will shine through for just a few min then go right back into being so cold and distant.  He never liked bars, never went and never wanted to go to clubs and now, that is all that he is doing.  he doesn't drink or do drugs and he always said that he would never put himself in the situation where he would surround himself in those places.  and what has he done?  He left me with the only response that he loves me but just is not in love with me.  I don't believe it.  i saw how he loved me i saw how it looked like when he was in love with me and that was not lacking.  i think that someone new has come into his life that is giving him these ideas and that he is getting mixed up with the wrong people but there is nothing that i can do.  I want to fight, my heart wants to fight when i should be mad at him for ripping apart our home that we worked so hard on getting.  me working three jobs when he was unemployed just to make the bills meet and this is how he repays me.  just when we start to get back on our feet, he is gone and with not a sign.  he is such a jerk sometimes, and i think that i am pregnant with his baby... i told him and i don't think that he believes me.  its too early to take a test, but i am sick as a dog and have all but one symptom of being pregnant.  this is the hardest thing that i ever thought that i would ever have to do, to let the man of my dreams just leave and not look back.  its so hard.  i am running out of ideas to try to get him back. everything that i have tried he wouldn't give me the time of day.  so, i have decided to leave him alone for two weeks and talk to a lawyer in the time being and take a trip to Cali so i can try to relax in this hard time... we will see... if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

jsml965 jsml965
22-25, F
8 Responses Mar 17, 2009

I know this is painful. You must; however, walk through each day as best you can. You can't make someone love you, you can anyone, you can only change yourself.<br />
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Start taking care of yourself. Join a gym, get out with friends, get a new hairdo, get a tattoo. <br />
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Hope and pray everyday that he will come to his senses, but if he doesn't, you will be a better person in the end. Everything happens for a reason.

I can relate to a lot of what you are going through. It's hard, but you have to take care of yourself too!


I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time. You sound like a very loving person and I hope you find peace and happiness with or without your husband.

also, thank you for your comments.

I didn't plan a baby, I wouldn't get rid of it either. I would be the best mother to that baby and give that baby everything that he would need reguardless if i was the only one in their life. i'm not keeping it just to make me happy. it wasn't planned this way and i am not sure if i am or not. I am not trying to force him to do anything that he doesn't want to do. he isn't acting like the man that i fell in love with and he is a stranger right now. i know that you are not trying to be mean but i am trying to do everything that is the best for myself and not just thinking about what it is going on. i honestly think that he is trying to figure out who he really is and this is the way he is dealing with it. So, one day at a time is what i am doing.

Maybe he's fallen out of love. I dont think you can do anything about the way he feels. I hope this doesnt sound mean but bringing a baby into this situation is not gonna make you happy, is really unfair for the baby and is NOT gonna bring your husband back. Divorce is not the end of the world even though it may seem that way. I went through 2 divorces but I dont regret that one bit. Please think about what you are doing and maybe you should stop trying too desperately and too hard, the result may be tragic. I'm sure you need support so I recommend spending some time with real good friends or supportive family members and take everyday at a time, go do some things that can help you take your mind off your problem and make you feel better..I know, its hard to get over someone you were so close to. Good luck.

im sorry this has to be very hard on you!