Waking Up to See the Cause of My Pain All Over Again

I was all alone in this world, even if I liked a friend[who'd just admitted to liking me back a few months ago]. But then he came. I thought he liked my sister, since he had always tried to annoy her enough to chase him, but I guess I thought wrong. He chased me, followed me around, and tried to ask me out multiple times. I fell in love with him from the first time he barged into my life, so what was I supposed to do? But I rejected him, because I couldn't be with him and didn't want to be in love. But I was.

Though he liked me, he still went and dated my best friend. Oh how she liked him. She would giggle and act like an idiot whenever he came around. She just got depressed when I asked him if he liked her -- not because I asked, but because of what he answered.  It was true: He liked me. She erased him forever after, and went on with her life, but I didn't. He asked me out again and I said yes, then my fairytale began. He was my prince charming for a month, but he went cold as ice left me in the colder. He didn't break it off, he said he liked me a lot. BUT he was different. So I broke it off at last. Though, he came back to me saying he was sorry -- he was shy. I loved him more than anything imagined, so I gave him a chance. But he just done it again after three days.

"My step-mom cut my hair and I've been weird" he told my sister, when she asked why on earth he liked a brat[I'm not though]. But that didn't seem convincing, even when he told her to tell me he loved me.  Sure, you can be a little weird wit a new hairdo, but it can't change you THAT much. I broke it off again, but I was too far head over heels to live without him, so I ran back to him myself. There I didn't even care or minded when he was colder than he ever was when I came back. I just wanted him. I didn't even mind at all when he didn't care enough to get me anything for Christmas[neither did I, but that was just my come back for him being a jerk; but I loved him a lot and defended him from what people say! Don't I get get something?]. 

Two months later, with him being cold, but on-and-off, I didn't know exactly what to do. I wanted to finally break free, but I couldn't let him go. I was REALLY in love with him and could possibly die on the inside hard enough to change me into someone else. A girl named Kellie even made it worse, because she was goo-goo for him and told lies to us about each other. Like, when she told me he said he liked her, and when she told him I was going to break it off since I wanted a different guy. Wasn't the best week of my life, but I was lucky to survive from the suicidal hate I had towards that girl.

Then one day, I asked my best friend[the one he dated] something.

"Do you think he meant everything he said?" I asked her.

She looked away and thought for a while and turned to me again, frowning. "Someone heard him say that he's only using you."

"Wwwwhhaaatt??" I said. I couldn't believe it. "WHHYYY?? Who heard it?"

"It's a secret, but he used you for popularity reasons. He's a loser you know."


My world went black and I was furious and hurt at the same time. At first, I was quite happy that I slapped him hard and said goodbye. But then after, I missed him. But of course he didn't "want" me anymore, so I just tried and tried to shrug it off.

A month after, I realized I was right all along -- he does like my sister and THAT really hit me. I would've hated ANY girl that he liked, but that was my SISTER. I CAN'T hate my own sister! And that's what kills me. I can't ignore her and be alright while she's gone, just like what I did to the girls in the past from guys I liked[even if I don't like him. I LOVE HIM]. It's IMPOSSIBLE to ignore her. We're not twins, but we share looks. We share parents, a brother, DNA, schools, and even middle names. How am I supposed to forget her when I look in the mirror and see her again? I can't forget about him like my friend, Blake, advised me to do. I already TRIED that. DON'T even say I shouldn't have believed him, but he looked like he always meant everything he said. Believe me, you'd trust him too if you were in my place.

Now I'm just a masochist looking for pain hurtful enough to wake me up from this nightmare..and crying in the middle of the night like somebody died. I even dared my sister to ask him out. I was there, too when he said yes so quickly that I didn't even hear him say it or had her compete her sentence. And no, she's not with him right now -- she kicked his butt 45 minutes later -- she really hated him. I wonder who that brown-haired boy with beautiful indefinite blue-green eyes will be for...


Thanks for reading my story ;D

DarkVampire DarkVampire
13-15, F
1 Response Mar 19, 2009

To me, that doesnt sound like love but rather infatuation. You're too young to know what love really is. I still havnt found love. That boy was just an a$shole and you deserve better than him. It usually takes time to get over a guy so running back to him doesnt solve anything, it just makes it hurt even more. I'm glad you worked up the nerve to slap him and leave him for good. He deserved a good smack. lol If I were you, I'd date your guy friend that said he liked you before all this happened. Friends do make the best boyfriends :] Good luck hun.