Too Late? Or Was It Never Love?

 

Boy meets girl, but she has a boyfriend. 1 year goes by and they are close friends and he tells her how he feels for her, she tells him she likes him.  1 year more they become “almost couple,” but she hasn’t left her boyfriend and secretly masks her feelings from him. He is greatly bothered and frustrated by this thinking she never had real interest in him despite all that they have done together and how she spends way more time with him then her own boyfriend (she doesn’t even kiss her own boyfriend anymore).  Finally the New Year comes she initiates a breakup with her boyfriend. But during this time Boy meet a New Girl and secretly falls for her so fast in less than 3 months but hides it from her and some of his own friends and coworkers.  He invites girl and new girl an outing the new girl tells girl that she has strong feelings for boy. Girl goes crazy and tries to confront him the next day and calls him but he ignores until finally he answers then asks to meet for lunch after work, he was too busy to hang out that day. He tells her that he doesn’t have the same feelings for her anymore but has for the new girl. They part.  That night going into next morning, girl is crying hysterically with Boy’s best friend on the phone.  At 3am he tells boy to call girl.  They talk, and girl finally pours out her entire heart on him. (Being too late). Boy said he wished he knew all that earlier. Boy cries calling himself selfish, but girl reminds him that he isn’t by mentioning nice deeds he went out of his way to do for others including for her. Boy asks her via text to chat the following day. Girl asks for 9pm, but boy asks for 8:30 because he wants earlier.  Girl calls asking questions like, “how did this happen in 3 months?” Boy asks for her to come over instead of talking on the phone.  She comes over and they talk a loooooong talk.  He reminds Girl of how she has help him so much out of his depression and develop into a better him. He told Girl that he didn’t want her out of his life because he still cares for her as a friend.  Without out the girl, he probably couldn’t love again or may have not been alive now. Girl asks why new girl? Only reason he says is that they connect better and didn’t want to say she was better than Girl. They chat more, this time gradually cuddling on the bed just like old times revived and had deep conversations and joked like old times and kissed etc like old times.  Finally it was past 4am and she says she has to go and want him to get some sleep for work.  He looks at the phone where New Girl had called and left over 10 text messages and voice mails. He says to himself “I don’t know what to do?” Girl thinks he meant what to do to keep New Girl happy.  Girl tells him to go to her (new girl) as long as he stays happy.  Because her priority is to keep him happy. She says they can pretend nothing ever happen that night.

When I met him and talked the first day I felt like some kind of outer or divine force told me that he’s very special, and it is my responsibility to care for him, keep him safe, and happy through all of my abilities for the rest of our lives.  I wanted to carry all his pain and troubles for him because he does that for the people around him. He needs someone to do that for him. He is a very warmhearted caring person. I waited another year to make sure it wasn’t lust, obsession, or infatuation, because I never been in love, but it only grew.  I also watch and helped him grow and find himself these past two years, focusing on his self expressions, attempting new hobbies, stopping bad habits like alcoholism, and building better relationships with his friends, while he was secretly doing the same for me. Now I am a hinder to his happiness.

Now he has his new girlfriend, which he seems like a different type of happiness different from when he was spending time with me. I talked to New Girl alone and told her how I felt about him, and asked if she could take really good care of him because she seems like a really nice person.  He has been ignoring and blocking me out of his life for last past 5 weeks and I have been giving him space as well because I can’t even look into his eyes anymore.  He seems like a different person and I can feel anger from him towards me if I get close enough to him.  (all three of us work in the same building.) He is not as friendly to other people from work as he used to.  He looks depressed alone on days she’s not working. I feel guilty for causing him so much pain. I miss the old him so much but the new him appears happier.  So over the past weeks, I took down all his artwork from my walls, things he made, and hid them in a box out of my sight.  I stopped wearing the necklace the goes with the one he wore (I hide it under my shirt when I wore it so it can be next to my heart), and erased his number from my phone. (I have it written down and hid it in case of emergencies.) But I still care about him, can’t stop thinking about him, worrying about him, can’t stop dreaming about him, and miss everything about him despite how much I hate how he hid things from me, lied, and ignores me so coldly without checking up on making sure I didn’t kill myself or something crazy like that. (all things that was not present in the old him).  At least he’s trying not to rub it in my face by keeping on the mild side, when I am present. I can’t shake away a feeling that in the future he is either going to get into a really bad situation or he’s going to get really hurt or lost either way leading to a serious depression.  But I can no longer protect him or keep him happy.

Sorry about the novel!

 

Azoru Azoru
26-30
2 Responses Mar 19, 2009

Wow! Awesome comment! You are right. Yeah I'm just trying to move on and drop him from my life despite I still care for him (in a different way though now). Sometimes people are meant to stay in your life long enough for one chapter, but never cross paths again afterwards. I'm also taking a break from the whole dating scene and work on myself. But I'm still up to meeting new people!<br><br><br />
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Thank you so much for your comment!!!<br />
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By the way you said you though you were the only one who felt these deep feelings? What is your story?

Okay, wow. <br />
So here I say this: I think that you love him, and he to some extent loved you. But something in you didnt satisfy some need in him.<br />
He must have felt very torn, and wants to quit you cold turkey so that the pain can stop and he can attempt happiness with a new start with another girl. One that fills some need.<br />
<br />
You love him, and that is incredible... because I thought those feelings had only ever existed in me. I didnt know that others felt as deeply. <br />
He is a waste of your time, and if you want to respect any love you ever gave him, you will give him even more space... and see other guys. <br />
Quit him. Love IS an addiction sometimes. You need to quit him. <br />
Just take a huge space and put it inbetween you and him. If you love him, or loved him. or want to respect the deepness of your feelings you once had for him, then recognize that HE doesnt want YOU. (I cant see why though, because you seem better then any girl in the world for him because of your devotion and true love.)<br />
Maybe it is 'true love', and that is something you cant quit... but at least get space, and get someone new. See many guys. Date many guys. Care for many guys. Then see if that broadened your horizon... who knows, maybe your 'true love' hasnt been found yet?