I Still Love Him.

 Well, actually, he did love me...in his own way. But--there's always a but isn't there?--things couldn't go on between the two of us. He was, well let's just say that there was a significant age difference, which should have stopped things before they started, but they went on anyway.

The first time he kissed me, it was like...thunderbolt city. We kissed, that was all, but it was like we were both in another world. I remember we were both shaking because we were nervous, but we both knew this was what we wanted. We'd talked about it before, we knew we shouldn't, we were both worried what people might say and do if they found out about us. Although, things would've been harder for him than for me, since he was the older one. But, one night, after going to a social evening at our church, we ended up talking in the parking lot, and found ourselves the last ones there. It was just us, and a flickering security light on the corner of the kitchen. And then he kissed me. Gently and powerfully at the same time. And I kissed him back, and felt the sparks flying between our bodies...

And that was it, I was done for, any little scrap of will power I had telling me this was a bad idea disappeared from my brain. So, that's how we began. The time I spent with him was generally wonderful, except for the minor detail that everything we did we did in secret. That was the ultimate breaking factor, which we both knew would eventually eat away at one or the other of us until it was too much. Thankfully, the universe intervened and ended things for us, before we could get too worked up and break each other's hearts in rage and regret. It ended when I went away to college, all the way to the west coast. We said our goodbyes before I left, and I cried on the way home, but I knew (even if I didn't want to admit it) that things had to end. 

So, I went away to school, and he stayed there and worked. We both tried to lead separate lives. I know he's seen a few people, but no one seriously. I've seen a few people too, but...they're, none of them, a match for him. No firework, thunderbolt, sparky, Marks. Every now and again when I come home for breaks, I see him at church, and I feel the sparks when we hug hello, but nothing more ever happens...it can't.

And yet, I still find myself wanting to whisper in his ear, when he hugs me with those arms of his: "Mark, I love you. Take me back."

HelloThere HelloThere
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 27, 2009


I don't understand why the two of you couldn't be together. Age difference shouldn't be enough so why couldn't it work? When two people feel that strongly about one another that is rare. You shouldn't let go of something that strong so easily. I am sad about it now.