Best Friend Blues

I met him through a friend of a friend, over the internet as it happens. He bugged the hell out of me, pushing the conversation that I really didn't think was there. But eventually I indulged him and we began chatting, well I used his as a venting place, I took my teenage angst out on him, I treated him like **** and it made him love me more. He didn't tell me he loved me, but we got closer, he became my best friend, we were inseparable. We spent every day together and most evenings. Until one eventful evening when we kissed. Afterward he told me he loved me. I was shocked and told him I didn't feel the same.

He told me his feelings had gone so we remained the best of friends, until the kissing thing became more frequent, it was just a laugh, a bit of fun, it never went further than kissing and we were both okay with it, until I moved away.

I had never felt such a feeling of separation, like my heart had been wrenched from my chest. I loved him more than anything, not in a romantic way, he was the most important person in my life. I had been away for 5 months, when he told me he was still in love me, that he always had been. I pushed his feelings aside, I was living 3000 miles away, I couldn't cope, it was another 5 months before I realised that I was in love with him too. And I told him so. We were in love with each other. I was still living abroad so we decided against doing anything, I was due home in 8 weeks so we planned to fix it then.

But when I came back, he had found someone new. When I confronted him he said he was still in love with me, that he had made a mistake and had moved on in haste. So he told me he'd leave this new girl and be with me. I was in awe, I loved him and he was going to be mine.

I let my libido take over and we were fooling around properly before he'd split with her, but it was a sure thing right? Why wouldn't he leave her? But he didn't, he told me in a text that he had decided to stay with her. I was mortified, betrayed and heartbroken. So I pushed him from my mind, it hurt like hell and took forever to get over him, but I had finally done it. Until one night 6 months later. He told me he was still in love with me. I stupidly fell for it a second time, I wanted him more than before. I wanted him to envelope me, to be my everything, and againwe fooled around. And again he told me he was going to stay with her.

I've been in love with him for 20 months, we've been together physically 4 times since I told him, and he is still with her. He teases and tortures me, he changes his mind, tells me he loves me, I fall for him harder everytime, I am in a vicious self destructive circle, I'm like yoyo on fastforward. I'm at the end of the line and have idea what to do anymore.

lulubelle12345 lulubelle12345
22-25, F
7 Responses Feb 4, 2007

ok am i am going threw the almost exact same thing and i know that every one telling you to just move on is not going to help its just not that easy it should be and i wish it was but its not the only thing you can really do is slip away from push away and yes some times you will fall for it again but the more you back out of the problem the more you see how much better of you are with out him and at frist it will be lonly but i think you need to get away go some where and if you cant leave than surround your self with people how care friends family poeple for work or a church but just keep putting a bigger space bettween you and him

i know exactly how that is. my ex-husband did that to me. the whole i love you, we'll get back together and then he's with her. its the most painful heart wrenching thing anyone could ever go through. especially for me, i was the wife. but it was the same deal. you have to cut off all ties. that is the only way to move on. as hard as that is. its the truth 100%.

You'll get no judgment from me. You don't need that. You already are beating yourself up for it. I understand because my boyfriend has been doing the yo-yo "come here" "go away" thing with me for about 8 years, twice the time you've been going through this. I was fortunate enough that my 3,000 mile gap with him saved me from the heart and gut wrenching betrayal that comes with having been exposed completely by being physically involved. But .. and this is a significant "but" .. I'm heart broken and devastated. This is my second time at backing off, and this time I'm being harsh with him; not allowing any "talk" of sexual things, or goals beyond friendship. I've told him that I am now free to find a partner and he's freaking out. Well, too bad, he's MARRIED, okay? Says it's just a "roommate" type marriage, but I've been there for him when the spouse demands intimacy (once every 2-3 years) but no more. This is his choice. Now I make mine, much as it hurts. He says he wants to remain best friends...our relationship is too important as friends to lose that. I agree, but d*mnit, I am taking the space I need to emotionally and mentally adjust. The longer a relationship lasts, the more time it takes to adjust to a change in it (I've found for me, anyway). I wish you wisdom and strength to do whatever is best for YOU. He's doing what's best for him, is he not?

yeah i have been there and it has been with 2 men at the same time and it hurts like hell trying to et over them i cant keep from thi nking of them and wantin to be with both of them

When u r ready u wlll know....u r an addict sorry to say, co dependent on a toxic guy who has nothing to offer u but misery.<br />
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It is tough to suffer unrequited love but for self preservation step away step back STEP OUT..<br />
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Hope u get to a place of safety for your own peace of mind.

You have to reject him. It's obvious he's using you just for pleasure. It doesn't get more obvious than that. Stop falling for him, find someone else, because he will hurt you even more each time.

He is using you as his quick fix. He tries to get you to go for him and after he is done with the whole cheating thing he goes back to his original girl happy that he had accomplished something with out it ruining his other relationship. He is probably going to keep on doing this to you until it blows up in his face. To him, you are just the other girl. But you are more than that forget him for good, gain some self control, be strong and stay away from him. He is only using you so that he can be happy. He only thinks that he cares for you, or maybe not at all. But that is not the point. He will NEVER be the one you want him to be. Take time to regroup and find someone who can love you, because he will just end up hurting you more. It will still hurt when you are with someone else but at least you will be with some one who is there for you. If you go back to him anytime in life, he will hurt you again sometime.