I Need to Get This of My Chest

Well I went to a program during a summer called UBMS and one day a girl asked me to walk her to class, I remember seeing her in the icebreakers and thinking to myself I will never talk to this girl she doesn't seem to happy to be here. Well as we walked to class we talked and to my surprise we hit it off pretty well. We were both caught in a world of being religious but with liberal views and with parents that just didn't understand. We spent every moment we could together, just talking the day away, creating new memories, coming up with our own inside jokes and nickname for each other. This girl brought the sensitive side out of me. Well when that time came to say goodbye we hugged for hours, I could not let her go, she was my world, she was my eternal flame as she put it and I was her wonder wall. We established that we would enter a relationship and even though it would be long distance we would make it work. We talked on the phone for hours after that almost every day for a couple of months, we watched movies over the phone together, she wrote me letters, I would write her poems, we would send each other love songs that expressed how we felt about one another, and I fell in love with her even more. When she finally visited, my world came crashing down. She changed so much, she didn't want to talk to me, I tried and tried but she just pushed me farther away. After a few days I sat down with her and we talked. Then she said something that honestly broke me, "I was feeling so down at the time anybody could have cheered me up". The next day I took her to the airport said goodbye, gave her an empty hug, and have never talked to her minus outside of facebook since. To this day there is not one day I don't think of her, I can't get over her and I am certain that for this reason I can't enter a relationship, I am afraid to get hurt again, being played as a fool because I am the nice guy, the shoulder that people lean on, the pillar that is not supposed to crumble, that person everyone goes to for advice but no one takes the time to listen to.

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May 25, 2009