I have got a bit of a problem. It all started about a year ago. My fiancé and me have two young children, ages 1 and 2 ½. A boy and a girl. When my fiancé (at the time was 7 months pregnant) fell down the stairs while I was at work and shattered her ankle having to go in for emergency surgery. I took the next couple of weeks off of work (the job I had just started) and did my best to tend to her every need. After having to go back to work my mother came down and took care of our daughter and my ex. Everything to tending to the ex fiancés wounds, cooked cleaned, stocked the fridge, everything a good mother would do. My mother was the only one available at the time as her family was to busy to take care of her. After about two weeks of my mother being there her mother wanted to come and help out! We gladly accepted the help, as she was bed ridden for almost a month. That’s when I noticed a huge change in my fiancés behavior towards me. I was never informed of the incident by her family and when I could not contact here throughout the day I was a little panicked, we spoke daily at least once to see how she was feeling and how our daughter was doing. I rushed to the hospital after finding out by having to call her father who informed me of the accident. During our stay in the hospital I got a phone cal from her father who informed me that my fiancé, himself and her mother (who are divorced) stating that the three of them had decided that my fiancé was going to move back into her mothers house with the children. I was strongly apposed, as this was my family. When I asked my fiancé at the time if this was the case she stated no such decision had been made and that her mother and father had decided this for her, and she clearly stated that she wanted to go home with the family (me, our daughter and the dog). I thought it was very strange that they would make this decision for our family. My now ex agreed that she would be coming home. I set up her office down stairs, cleaned the house, did all the laundry, stocked the fridge and had a ton of flowers delivered to the house and tried to make her feel at ease and as comfortable as possible After this incident things fell apart drastically. I was a stay at home father and raised my daughter for the first nine months of her life. After raising her until she was nine months old we decided to put her in day care. There was two months where I was unemployed looking for work on a regular basis, trying to find something that would offer a fair salary and medical, dental, vision benefits for my family. I had found it; the only problem was my days ended up being about 12 hour long due to their demanding schedule. I started doing my best and providing for the family financially, physically and emotionally! After our second child was born, my mother again came down and helped out with everything as listed above and now she was taking care of all three of them, while I worked and tried to do the right thing. To make a long story short she did end up moving in with her mother for three weeks with our children. During this three-week period she would not return phone calls or let me see the children! No explanation! Other than I was rude to her mother, who has always been rude to me! For the record I was only agitated that they would not let me see our children. After the three weeks was up she moved back home. Don’t get me wrong things were a little tense due to the circumstances! I tried my hardest to let her know everything was going to be ok and to hang in there we will get through this. I scheduled 3 counseling appointments, which we attended and it didn’t seem to do anything, especially after the counselor asked her why she was so self-righteous. After this incident she left in tears and said I am never going back to counseling, how dare he call me self-righteous. About a month later I come home from a hard days work and the locks had been changed, children and their belongings packed up, no note nothing. I was terrified. I called her mom who claimed she did not know where the children and the ex were, but insisted on calling her father. I called her father who informed me and I quote “she has broken up with you and anything having to do with the children has to go through me”. To say the least I was a little caught off guard. This is am an who was not only abusive to my ex’s mother but he had also abandoned his daughter at a very young age. Now here he was a hero! I called the police, sent them over to the house to check on the well being of the mother of my children and our children. They did a walk through and said everything was fine. The recommended that if I wanted to see the children then to go to the court house the following day and file paper work to protect my rights as a father. (I was pro per at the time). I tried on several occasions to visit with the children, which they refused, and stated that they had been advised not to let me see the children! I was forced to hire an attorney! This has been going on for a year now and I see our children 10 hours a week with no overnights, however I expect that to change at our next hearing in the coming days. Her mother, her father, her stepfather, stepmother and herself continue to make rude and disparaging comments to me in front of the children about me and my parenting skills. Harassment! Not only is this devastating our children its devastating me! Anyways, the ex and I cannot stand one another and she is continually breaking court orders and has made it perfectly clear she has no intention of budging with the current arrangement. Last week she states she will drop all child support if I just sign the children over to her! I told her no way and that our children need a balance in their lives. She has financially ruined me to the point where now I cant afford my car payment, rent and have had to start collecting welfare due to this fight and the expenses incurred with this battle. I have tried time and time again to work something out with her and she state “come back when they are five or six an we can talk!” That is a third of their young life, the most formative years of their lives. I have since been laid off of work due to the economy and am collecting unemployment. She has now had me held in contempt of court, 3 counts for not being able to pay the $1200.00 a month requested. My bills alone exceed $2200.00 a month not including support. My current income is $984.00. Rent is due on the first car payment late, over $25,000.00 in attorneys fees what am I supposed to do? On a side note 5 ½ weeks after the separation I called the children’s pediatrician to see how my 3-month-old boy was doing because she was and still is not keeping me informed. He stated that he would not release medical records to me because he was under the impression the biological father was there with them. Bang, click it all made sense, she found another man to replace me as their father, and now I am paying for her to live…? This woman make$100,000.00 a year and has made it clear already she can do this with or with out me. Her investment in attorney’s fees, which she can afford, has got to be $50,000.00. I am at a loss. She is a very unstable woman who neglects our children, sends them in wet diapers, filthy clothing and greasy hair. Since the separation our son has had a severe cough for seven months that she disregarded as allergies, my suggestion was to have an allergy test done. But of course she was opposed to it and stated not until he’s 2 years of age, Ironically after paying child support for two years the child by default becomes mine. Its not that I doubt he is my son its just some strange circumstances that have happened that make me wonder. 5 ½ weeks brings another young man as the doctor states to their visit who he was under the impression was the biological father..? The refusal of a blood test until he was two years old, to find out what the offending allergies were? Come on people something’s wrong. She wants me out of their lives 100%, its not about child support or anything other than getting me out of the picture ASAP and sign my rights over. PARENTAL ALIENATION! Any advice or suggestions on how to deal with this please feel free to comment. I need all the help I can get. I am a great, loving and concerned father. She was a great mother and something happened. You don’t go from being a great mother to a neglectful mother over night. SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE! Thanks for listening to my experience!
jdfaunt 31-35, M 1 Response 1 Jun 25, 2009