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My First Love, Pain & Loss...

 

Shux LADYSOULIST exclusive...

Who would hav thought that God would answer a certain prayer i made... Kinda crazy! But tru...

ABOUT 2 YRZ AGO... I bumped into a guy in Underground! I wrote about dis ages ago!

It was wierd how we bumped into eachoda. I was dancing and well I sorta twirled around and smacked rite into him, and lol we both stared at eachoda!!! My heart was doing a three-sixty~!!! His smile...

His eyes lit up and well i heard da Debollah Morgan song "all i wanna do... is think of u" and well we were hardowt starin at eachoda frm across da room! N yeh i was busting my sweet moves auuu POP!! n yeh he was sorta shy but he really put a smile on my face... A real smile!

He wore a red checkered shirt, se dnt kno how to spell and man he was jus fine!!! he was called UNDERGROUND BOI! I didnt get his name and well we kept bumping into eachoda wit eyes always lighting up & we had dis moment and man my heart melted wen he lufed... Shux could this be ... love ... But it can"t be we jus met, well not really we jus well... Lol stared at eachoda... Oka hopeless! I cant believe i didnt even ask him, or dat he didnt even ask me...

Da nite ended and we both left without even talking, jus looking... I prayed and prayed dat i would see him again n dis time i would ask him! I knew one of my gals knew him, but i neva asked her... TOO EMBARRASSING!!! Well da next week i didnt go out and i kikd myself, i so wanted to see him!

DA WEEK AFTA: I went and he wasnt dea, i kept goin and still no sign! He wouldnt get out of my system so i prayed and prayed and dis time i jus sed sumfing like "God i really like dis guy, i kno it was da wrong place to meet him, but i really feel sumfing rite and real wit him and well if its possible Lord if he is the one for me then plz Lord let us meet up again!"

Months went by and stuff happend and i slowly forgot wat he looked like, but not how he made me feel ~smiles~

A YEAR LATAH (4 months ago)

Well my first bf came along... Met him online and we really hit it off... We met up and yeh became real close... Like frends!!! Lol but yeh i wanted to be sure God approved so i went by wat me and God planned... Da guy dat comes too my church wen i invite him is da one God wants... HE DID!!! He came, tired cos he went out da nite before, BT HE CAME! ~smile~

@ first it was koo, but i kept my smarts and wits and took it slow and well if u read my last entry ~looks down~ ull kno wat happend... It went wrong...

2 months ago

I sat dea wit my gals... can"t believe he stood me up! PROUD MAN PROUD! ~tear~ hehe but yeh looks like we jus couldnt work it out... Y didnt he jus say so wen i asked... y didnt he jus run str8 and say he wanted to let it go, leave me alone! NO he goes "I want a second chance! i want dis t work, im gona be good to u! I dont want u to let go! I want us to be!!!" KAE!!!

Dats y u lied, u tripped, u left me hanging and once again broken and wondering wtf did i do wrong this time...

i sat there thinking bout the past den dat smile popped in my head... That moment @ underground... Dea was sumfing familiar about dat smile... DE-JE-VU!!!

it was you...

NO KIDDING IT WAS HIM! I WENT OUT WITH UNDERGROUND BOY! I rang my gal finally and she confirmed dat it was him dat nite... God... Why would u approve of him? Is dea something im missing... I dont get it? Am i reading this all wrong! Coincedence jus aint explainin dis... What am i to do? Is he the one cos i neva expected the one to hurt me so much! n yet still be in my head and my heart....

We got back together... I thought we would last, thought that this was it, but something just kept nagging at me... Was it just me fighting for this, for me & him? I finally confronted him. I was really upset. He didn't call me like he used to... Was it just me? I asked if it was? He didn't give me a straight answer... I asked him if he was going to stop me from walking away... He fell asleep...

Present

I look back on all the things I went through. A month ago, I walked out on him, hurt and angry at how small he made me feel, after I gave him all that I had to give... He looked right through me and it hurt to know that my love was reduced to nothing...

It still hurts me, even now that I'm writing this... Hurts to know that I loved someone who didn't love me....

LadySoulist



LadySoulist LadySoulist 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 23, 2007

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thanks.