So Happy I Found This Website

F irst of all, I have to say that I'm more scared writing this than when I told the girl in question how much she means to me, but at the same time I know I have to write this for my own sanity, if nothing else. I can't trust my best friends who know me almost as well as I know myself with this story, only because I know it hasn't happened to them.

It started on the first day of university, when I met a girl before the very first lecture. We hit it off straight away, and while I could see she was attractive, I had just got out of a relationship less than a week beforehand with a girl I genuinely thought I was going to be with in 40 or 50 years time (coming from a guy who is petrified of any form of commitment), and was just trying to make new friends.

Over the next few weeks, we spoke a fair amount but never got particularly close, and for a few months she dropped almost completely off my radar but then reappeared in summer. In that time, I had forgotten just how attractive she was and how much I enjoyed speaking to her, but as we were starting to become closer, it was the summer holidays and she went off home. We spoke over msn over summer, and when we returned to uni we became really close once again, to the point where we agreed to live together in our final year. It was around about this time I realised just how much I needed her to be around to make me happy. I never needed anyone to tell me what I was doing was right, apart from her. I had come to subconsciously depend on her, but by this time she had found a boyfriend. When I found out, I was a bit down, but I accepted it, and anyway she still spent a lot of time with me. We spent a lot of time speaking over Christmas, and on the day we got back for the new term, her boyfriend broke up with her and she immediately came around and just cried on me for a while. After then, I tried so hard not to think about her but I couldn't manage for long, and gave in and emailed her, telling her just how much she means to me, and how much happier I always was around her. Her reply was crushing, not an outright rejection, but telling me that if i'd asked her out before her previous bf that she would have said yes but she needed time. Now, I thought we were back to normal as we continued to spend a lot of time together (sending the departmental rumour mill absolutely crazy, I might add), and jokingly calling each other 'husband' and 'wifey', but it's starting to affect me again. I really need to stop myself from telling her that there's no way i'm over her yet, but the last thing I want to do is ruin a friendship, especially one this good with somebody I care about so much.

Anyway, thanks for reading this, any comments are welcome. As I say, I'm more scared writing this than I was emailing her.