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Story of My Love Life!

All to often I have fallen for someone who did not love me...and didn't bother to share until months/years after! The ratio of Good ending relationships to bad is not fairing well as I look back on them (FYI I am only talking 6 realstionships) Good to bad=2/4 as far as all around (small flings and such) it doesn't fair much better. But at least the one that counts, the one where the love is mutual, Stuck around long enough to be married and have a kid....6 years together now.

I know, now, in my early years of relationships it was just bound to come to an end. But I really did love the boys  I had been with. I fall in love with someone and if we really get on well it is fast...I fell in love with my husband within a couple weeks of "dating" one another! Thankfully HE was one that did/does love me back.

Anyway Most of my relationships ended in heartbreak, cheating, lies and so on.  Mostly cheating on their end. I didn't LOVE all of them, though it felt that way at the time and I can only see that now that I am older and out of the emotions being felt then.

 One of the ones I was totally in love with, been with him for 3 years on and off....got a girl pregnant behind my back! He still tried to keep things going with both of us for a while, and I kept my distance but couldn't bring myself to sever the ties completely until much later. I loved him and had wanted to be with him for a long time if not marry him....but he prevented that one by doing the things he did, and obviously not loving me. I still think about him every  now and then....think of how things could have been had he not been the way he was, then realize that it probably was for the best that we parted ways.

There was another boy I dated for a long time that I was very in love with and who said he was in love with me...but somehow his "love" for me faded and he ended the relationship with that being the reason. It was sudden, and unexpected as we had a great relationship from the get go and until that phone call....he acted as if nothing had changed until the day he called me and broke it off. We are still friends...kinda, we talk. He is actually how I met my husband!

Those are really the main relationships ,that I know for sure, that I was in love...the others I attribute to "puppy love" even though they lasted a long time and I had strong feelings for those boys....I know that these two were real and they have stuck with me for a long LONG time.

What really is sad is that ALL except 1 of my past serious relatonships ended because of cheating! It has left a sour taste in my mouth and an untrusting attitude when it comes to my hubby....who has made it hard by his OWN actions to trust him. After our first year or so I  had built  trust for him....though after the first year he did things that were suspect and worthy by most woman's standards to not trust. They turned out to be nothing (at least as far as I know), and we have moved on from that. In our first year of marriage is another story alltogether though. The point here is, I am stuburn and willing to work out issues if the other party is....with my husband and I that is the case, we work on things no matter how bad, hard, ugly it gets, with others it wasn't...I wanted things to work out, they could have cared less. I loved and they didn't. I would hand over my heart thinking that, by their words, they felt the same....but it almost always came back to slap me in the face....this also contributed to my mixed feelings about my hubby when we first got together....and even though I was in love with him soon after...I still tried to control it and NOT fall so hard! A lot of good that did eh? LOL

In the end I am older and "wiser" and able to look back on those bad relationships without a heavy heart. I did learn from them, they helped me grow as a person with all the good times and even the bad times.

dreamin2183 dreamin2183 21-25, F Oct 3, 2007

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