My Problem

My problem is that I can't move past him because I keep thinking maybe he will change is mind someday. As incredibly different as we are we are also very similar. He never says so, but I know he is depressed too, that he has low-self esteem. There are very few people out there who say what I was thinking as much as he does. And when we make eye contact when we know we can't say what we are thinking, it's like those moments keep me from being able to move on. It's not like we can become really close when we are both so closed off. But he's not interested, and I have so much trouble admitting that. He avoids me and it drives me insane. I guess what upsets me most is that he is in love with my friend, like so many other of her guy friends are. And the thing is, she will never love any of them. They hopelessly love a girl who doesn't even know what love is, who thinks she is in love with a new boy every couple of weeks. She is the only reason he knows how I feel for him. She decided for a few weeks that she loved him and then she lost interest like she always does, and she hurt two people she cares about a lot in the process. But even if he did begin to like me, I would still fear that he would never get over her, because I know he still loves her, that he would do anything for her. If he would just open up and I would just open up, I'd feel like we'd have a lot to offer each other. Maybe that's just false a sense of hope. Right now, oddly, that little bit of hope just brings me a lot of pain.
Lumos Lumos
22-25, F
3 Responses Oct 15, 2009


Sorry to disagree but,I spent 25 years doing everything to have a happier life staying with a man that didn't love me. Now,he is dead,cancer,and I still don't have a life because I now have a terminal illness. What a wasted life.If you are not loved in return,cut loose,find a sweet partner and live it up before its over.

One of the most effective way to ease your pain is by knowing this person more and make your feeling known to him. You may get hurt but it is a step toward a happier life by fighting for what you believe and treasure.