He Loved Her Instead

It was my last year of theoretical studies at the university. In my second semester I fell in love with the quiet boy (Ryan) . We would chat for hours on end, about everything. Both of us were extremely shy. So needless to say we moved extremely slow. The other factor in our 'relationship' was his best friend (Emma),one of the most wanted girls on campus. She knew exactly what she wanted, and how to get it. Ryan was one of the brightest boys in class, and Emma was his study partner. In other words she used him and he was just to happy to ablige. She likes to be massaged. her hands and her feet. But no one is allowed to get close. He fell inlove with her. Just like any boy would who suddenly gets attention form one of the most popular girls in school.

Ryan and I started to get really close. She realised it, and manipulated him into believing that by spending time with me, he is neglecting her. Obviously he would always do what she says. All of a sudden the gap between us grew. I kept believing that someday he will realise that he deserves more than just being someone's puppet. He asked me to go with him to the same place for our practical. All three of us ended up going to the same place. He promised me that things will change once we were there. That he is willing to give 'us' a shot.

We got there in December 2008. I gave him a month, then I asked him if he felt anything for me. He said he hasn't thought about it all. His words hurt me so much. He was suppose to feel not think! Why make a promise to me, if you knew along that things won't change. That broke me. And I was living with the girl, Emma. So I was always in there presence. But she never felts anything for him. Never.

Those were some of the darkest days of my life. Obviously we worked together as well, so nothing I did was ever good enough. She always found something to belittled me with in front of others. I started to detached myself from everything around me. I just didn't see the point in trying if no one is going to acknowledge my existence. This went on for two months. Until mid to end January (it felt like a lifetime at the time).

 Someone very special saved my life (but that's a different story). A story much more beautiful than the one I have told. And one that I will tell soon enough.

A year has past  the time I have spoken about. Ryan and I became close friends, but it always felt that he always chose her over me. No matter how badly she treated him. And I just decided that I didn’t need them in my life. I cut all ties to them about a two weeks ago. Haven’t heard from them since. But I am okay with that, I don’t need either of them. It just feels like one of my closest friends had died.

 I loved a boy that didn’t love me back. Part of me will always feel that I’m not good enough. But I will be okay. I found love, true love. The always and forever kind.

deleted deleted
1 Response Feb 13, 2010

I feel in love with a guy who apearently does nt have feelings for me, I just feel so stuped. I really hope that I find true love too and finally get over him