Josh

It was the end of my first day of high school.  I walked to the big, yellow school bus that would eventually roll out of the parking lot and take me home.  I found a seat in the middle of the bus, and sat close to the window, staring out to take my mind off the busyness of the day.  As the bus filled, I felt someone sit down beside me; it was Josh.

He was a little taller than me, with short dark hair, tanned skin, and a blue cap turned backwards.  He grinned, we introduced ourselves, and the bus was off.  On the bus ride home we chatted about all sorts of things, one of them which revealed that he was Brazilian.  I was the first to leave the bus, to which he excitedly told me that his stop was just after mine.  I went home thinking how hot and sexy this guy was, and felt warm inside thinking that he seemed to really like me too.  That was the first day I met Josh.

We grew closer as days became weeks.  We did stuff that most guys our age did...Sleep overs, video games...We even started running together, and I joined the wrestling team with him as well.  He wasn't dating anyone at the time, and so I took it to mean that our friendship could mean more someday.  He did talk about girls, of course, and I dismissed that, thinking that we'd share a connection that neither of us could have with anyone else.

We ended up taking late walks at night.  We'd walk for over an hour talking about our lives, and about dating.  When he asked me who I had a crush on, I'd make someone up...Because the answer was him.  After our walks, I'd imagine this intense moment.  Just after we'd say goodbye, we'd slowly move into each other and our lips would touch, melting into a full-blown make-out session right then and there.  But each night, after we said goodbye, he'd walk away and that was it.

Somehow I thought that maybe he just didn't have the courage to admit to himself, or anyone else, that he and I could be something more than just friends.  And so one day I decided to finally ask him if he was gay.  I invited him over after school, and as we got off the bus and walked to my house (I had a really long driveway - about a 7 min walk) I popped the question.  "Are you gay?"

"What?!" he exclaimed.  "Why would you think that about me?"  I made up some excuse, as this went nothing as I had imagined it.  Immediately, trying to reassure him, I told him that I was gay.  That only made it worse.

"I'm homophobic," he proclaimed.  As we walked back toward the direction of his house, I pleaded with him to forget the whole thing.  "I don't know if I can be friends with someone who's gay," he said.  And with that, he walked away.

I stopped calling him, and him me, and I avoided his gaze as we passed each other in the hallway at school.  He started dating some girl, and things went on.

As I look back, I was pretty infatuated with him as you can clearly tell.  I did love him, and looked past all of his faults just to see him for 'him.'  It was a really good learning experience for me, and I still do value all the experiences we had together, even if it was unrequited.

afternoonsun afternoonsun
22-25, M
Feb 13, 2010