You Said You Loved Me...why Lie?

Ever since I was a little girl my family and friends have told me guys only want one thing and I've always believed that. I never expected to find a nice guy, I had been told by everyone around me that such a thing didn't exist. One day, without meaning to I met someone and we decided to go out for a few drinks. He was really fun and really friendly and weirdly, really nice. I couldn't get over how nice he was. The more time we spent together the happier I became...I have never been so happy. He never left me in the dark, we were always completely open and honest with each other. He even asked me if we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet. I could trust him with anything. But most of all, I could trust him to tell the truth, he wasn't afraid to speak his mind.

I did everything for him. We lost our virginity to each other, I met his friends and spent time with them,  even attempted to be friends with his family, who disliked me because I am three years younger than him. I built him up when he was down, because I new I was falling in love with him. seven months after we got together he told me he loved me. I was so happy, I felt it so strongly and obviously i said it back. For two months after that I was happier than I've ever been. I'd been going through a very hard time but just the knowledge that somebody loved me seemed to make all that disappear, I'd nevr been in love before.

 Three days ago he told me he didn't mean it. That he doesn't love me and he never actually did. He says he still wants to be with me, he says he is so scared of losing me and that it was just a mistake. But the everything we had feels broken now. I don't recognize him anymore. he person I fell in love with would never have lied to me this way. And worse still I have no power to leave him, because I love him so much. I wish I didn't.

 I have lost the only thing in my life that was keeping me going. And I don't seehow I can carry on living this sham...or this life.

It is empty now  

kabthekate kabthekate
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 14, 2010

Why the **** won't he love me??? why? What HAVEN'T I done, gave him EVERYTHING. Why can't he just give me this one, tiny reason to stay alive? For God's sake, I don't have anything else.

Wow, that's really, really sad. I can find myself in your story, love is truly a wonderful thing and when you experience it for the first time it makes you feel like you can do everything in the world.<br />
Ask your boyfriend why he said it. Was it because he felt forced, was he scared, does he even know what love is? To be honest, I don't think you're ever gonna get over this with him. No matter what he tells you in the future, you'll always think back to that time he said "he never actually loved you". It will always hurt like crazy. Leave him, stop contacting him, tell him how much he has hurt you. I promise you he will come back, cause if he's scared of losing you he'll realize that he does love you and he's going to show you. When he does, you can think to yourself if you still want to give him a chance or not. Lying is in no situation right. I think for now you guys need time apart. Good luck.