I Can't Cope Any Longer.

I'm dealing with a severe case of unrequited love, my heart is broken, and I often think of killing myself.  I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this either, so I don't know what to do.  This pain keeps getting worse as time goes on and I've reached my limits of how much I can take already so I believe its only a matter of time before I muster up the courage and will power to end this.  10 months ago I met someone and I fell in love instantly. He brought energy into my life, he made me laugh again, he supported me and loved me when nobody else was around.  All the while I fell more and more in love with him, but he's always either had a girlfriend or been hooking up with different girls. He has no idea I love him as more than a friend, and I'm certain he doesn't feel the same. I am nothing more than his best friend and for that I am greatful but at the same time it's killing me because I look at him, and I think about all the time we've spent together and what a great person he is and then I realize I can't have him. I can't talk to anyone about this because if you havn't guessed yet, I'm gay and in the closet. He's completely straight. I know I could try to go out and meet someone else and I have but it never goes anywhere because all I think about is him. He is always on my mind nomatter who I'm with. Is there any way to deal with this?  People tell me to distance myself from him and I will slowly loose my feelings for him. I know that is probably the best thing to do but if I do that, it would only end up hurting him and I don't want to do that to him. He has told me many times how much our friendship means to him and we hardly ever spend a day apart. What can I do to get over him but at the same time, keep our friendship the way it is and not hurt him?

KingofHearts11 KingofHearts11
22-25, M
4 Responses Feb 18, 2010

I am actually in love with one of my mail best friends and I think that he is hiding in the closet. Like you, I tried to stay friends with him but I kept getting hurt. I love him so much that I tried to be his best for 4 years. I could not bare hurting him; however, at the end of it all I realise I hurt myself the most. He will never love me and he does not understand. I finally ended that relationship for my own sanity. You know what the hardest part is? We work together and I actually think he was sitting in the parking lot fri. afternoon just to get a glimpse of me. I've completely shut him out of my life. I just kept walking...I don't know what to do anymore. Well, good luck with your situation. If it is any consultation, I know how you feel.

Just remember in the winter beneath the bitter snow ( your emotions r in your winter) lies the seed that with the suns love ( your friend brought u out of hiding so that in the future)<br />
in the spring u become a rose ............. allow yourself to blossom... rose does not cry every time it drops a petal does it.. you can poke and prod a seed yet that does not make it grow... or u can wait till the harvest is right. As the rose stands its tallest it is noticed by those who value its price the most... patience is not only a virtue but by sacrafice teaches us to become wiser...... and it is only that with patience and allowing ourselfs to grieve and experience our winter does our soul begin to bud and sprout bringing forth a greater blessing happiness and harvest... with the right one............ love an light.......

In unrequited love while hard to get over in this case is necessary...U need to say thanks to him for opening your heart that was otherwise closed.. He has forfilled a important part of his soul contract and karma to you. It is a great soul that can teach u the greatest gift of all that being love and how to experience it... He has opened the way for you to meet someone more forfilling and that would better suit your needs. Had this person come along with out the aid of your friend your would of missed them as your heart would not of been in the position to love.... He also taught you one important lesson is that you r loveable something that you may have found hard to believe before he came along..... If you truly want to b a friend say thanks for the amazing sacrafice that he gave.... and if it is that this is destined to be with u and him just know that spirit works in mysterous ways........ y not throw it out there in heavens hands often shows u were u are supposed to be without lifting a finger..... trust that i have been there...same situation. If it is that u choose to throw away your heart your friends lessons to u will have been in vain as he didnt agree to help u all that time ago for u just to end your life... remember a brave heart is one that is worthy to be loved.....

I would say you need to be careful about how you go about doing this... remember that you don't want to lose him as your friend so you HAVE to choose one way or the other to keep both of you happy with your friendship. It is not fair towards you that you torture yourself with prospects that might not happen. If he is straight there is unfortunately nothing you can do about that... and sadly you cannot convert him. You have to weigh up your options. Why would you want to stay stuck in a fantasy of what your relationship is with someone if you can enjoy what really is going on at the moment? You missing out and you are sitting day by day living in your own thoughts. Treasure your friendship with him and just be supportive. You can still love him as a friend. To distant yourself might make it easier for you so I would also suggest that. Try to spend some quality time with other people (without trying to get a romantic partner). Also, you have to remember that he won't make that move for you... your friend is not going to distant himself in order to make it easier for you. You have to take care of yourself and lose the expectations you subconsciously might be placing on him to make you happy.<br />
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I am sorry I can't be more sensitive, but I know I'm right. Look, I think that I might also be in the closet... I am a 27 year old woman and I think I might be bi-sexual. I feel sexually attracted to some of my girlfriends and they don't even know it. Sometimes I really long to have more with them than just a friendly hug here and there, but I know it's dangerous to toy with those feelings... I know that my friendships with them are WAY more important and precious than these fantasies that I am having. It's hard, but you have to put your friend's needs first in this case.<br />
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All of the best and take care of your heart... you only have one :D.