She Is In Love With Me, But I Am Not!

Hi,

I have a mate, who is in love with me but the problem is that I dont love her as much as she loves me. It is a horrible situation and I donot know how to tell her about her mistake. the worst part is that she suffers from MS and depression and I donot want to make her problems more serious. On the other hand, I want to be friend with sb else, but when there is a talk about another girl, she gets upset. She never tells me that she wants me to stay with her. But I can notice that she will suffer inside when I am talking about another girl.

I know myself as a single person, I donot talk to her so much. I never call her her, she does always. She told me once that she loves me no matter what I do to her. What can I do to get rid of this situation?

 

:(

dreamer1985 dreamer1985
31-35, M
6 Responses Feb 18, 2010

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Hey dangerlives ;)<br />
Thanks for your comment. I did the point number 8 several times, but she keeps telling me that she loves me. When I say but I donot, she simply says it is not important for her...

Ok. This is something I have never experienced. Although there is a guy that likes me likes me, but there is no spark. But it's still not the same.<br />
I have some things to say;<br />
1) Pixiegirlie is right the girls are depressed to begin with and its nt anything caused by you.<br />
2) You have the right to be happy and live as you choose-this is your life not theirs-they might be a part of it but at the end of the day its your show.<br />
3) Sorry if any of this seems harsh I dnt mean it to be!<br />
4) Ok so if it comes down to worst case scenario-one of you gets hurt, its better than two people being unhappy and hurting because at the end of the day these girls will know deep down it's a false relationship.<br />
5) If they love you so much then they should let you be as you wish. And not wish to make you unhappy or uncomfortable-depression or no-it's selfish and cruel.<br />
6) You could say (and from what you both say is not far from the truth) that you enjoy being friends and that you value their friendship.<br />
7) Be absolutely honest - else you won't be lying just to yourself but to the women as well. Which is unfair.<br />
8) You could try and introduce them to a person that can love them as they want to be loved.<br />
<br />
I hope this helps. As I say I don't mean to be harsh. Feel free to ignore if it's wrong in your mind. Gd luck. You will do the right thing, you sound like kind, honest people. Oh and when in true doubt go with your gut instinct. ;)<br />
D xx

Hi Dreamer,<br />
I understand what your going though. I'm in a similar situation. She wants more than I am willing to be. We have gone out for awhile and I told her that I just wanted to be friends about a year ago and recently she has started wanting to date and wants to get together every week. I don't mind being her friend but Im not sure how to stop this. She doesn't have many friends and her family isn't around much.She also battles depression so I don't want to just leave her on her on but I don't want to be her BF. I know she isn't someone I could ever see myself marrying so I really want to be dating someone I could see myself with. I have been honest with her in the past but she still wants more from me. She has even talked about marriage in the past and to that I did tell her no. I told her I wasn't ready for that at this point in my life. I don't know the best answer to this but if you have any tips I'd love to hear them. I would like to chat with you more on this if you have time to email me if you would like to.

Thanks for ur comment. I am already honest with her. She knows that she loves me much more than I love her. Actually I have no feeling about her. She is just a friend for me. She says it doesnot matter for her, if I go to another girl. But I am afraid of causing more problem for her....<br />
I do not know what to do anymore....<br />
She is alone in my city. Her parents are in another city. That is another reason that I cannot easily do what I really want.

wow you it really sounds like a tricky situation. I think maybe you need to talk to a mutual friend that you two might have? Ask for advise there as well. Maybe a third person would be able to help out as well. I don't imply that the third person be involved, but maybe when you tell your friend the truth she is going to need some serious support. I can see that you really care for her either way, but there is no easy answer to the situation. You have to be honest with her always. And her unhappiness or depression won't be your fault... she is already prone to feeling depressed you actually have nothing to do with that part. I realize how difficult this must be. You will have to choose between the better of two bad situations.<br />
<br />
Good luck... I hope you do the right thing and just keep on being honest. I have a friend who was in the same predicament... He couldn't take it anymore and decided to tell the truth. So far it has been a good decision.<br />
<br />
I hope I helped just a little bit?