I Thought It Was More...

Well, about a year ago my friend had introduced me to this girl (Jess) and her boyfriend. I remember when I first saw her I thought she was very cute but I wasn't about to make any kind of "moves" because she had a boyfriend. Well after the first couple of times meeting at school, she had told my friend that she liked me because she thought I was really funny and nice. Now, I guess within their group of friends, they make out with each other as long as the bf/gf's are okay with it...weird..I know. So, I wasn't uncomfortable knowing that my friend and her had made out, and I wasn't uncomfortable around the boyfriend.

Anyway, after a while Jess and I decided to hang out, kind of out of the blue, we still didn't really know each other. But it turned out to be really cool, I ended up spending the night there and it was the first time that I truly started having feelings for another girl. We actually sat on her bed for a good hour or two just talking, and I felt like we were so on the same page. And I was surprised, this girl was like 2 years younger than me and she just seemed so mature. Later that night we ended up cuddling together in her bed and I just felt so good. I just felt happy being that close to her without any awkwardness or "urges" to do anything more than just be near each other.

Well, we hung out a couple more times after that, and I can honestly say I fell inlove with her. But I never crossed the line because she was still dating her boyfriend. And even though he would treat her like crap she stayed with him. She would admit that she loved me to, but I never truly understood why she stayed with her boyfriend. This girl deserved so much more. People (including her own family) just hated her, for no reason. This girl had nothing but love to give no matter what people did or said to her, and I was amazed.

I thought things would be okay even though she had a boyfriend, I was on a mission to make her see that she could do so much better. Now, she had very controling parents, and she could rarely have people over, talk on the phone, and she wasn't even allowed to have a cell phone, and I tried to look passed that. But once she got her cell phone back, I thought I'd be able to talk to her all the time...apparently not. I rarely got any text messages from her, and whenever i'd text her I'd never get a text back. After a while I started to get a bit frusterated. Then out of the blue she said her dad didn't want us hanging out anymore which I didn't understand because I never gave her parents a reason to dislike me.

Now, I'm the kind of person that would give the world to someone I loved. I would do anything I possibly could to keep them happy. That's where I felt like we weren't on the same page. I felt like I loved her waay more than she loved me and in honesty, I didn't understand why. I was giving it my all, even though we weren't actually in a relationship.

Once I stopped hearing from her all together, I gave up and figured I'd just let it fade and never hear from her again. Well months had gone by and she messaged me online randomly, saying "Hey, I miss you so much." And we had a small conversation and I told her I couldn't do it anymore, that things were just too complicated and that I didn't believe her when she said she missed me...and that was the end of it. She said nothing else. And the fact that she didn't even fight to prove me wrong, that really hurt.

It's true what they say. "Sometimes it's the things you don't say that hurt the most."

X6rose6red6X X6rose6red6X
18-21, F
5 Responses Feb 20, 2010

I have a different take. In my experience, after being incommunicado, you don't text someone with "hey, I really miss you" unless you really mean it. I suspect Jess was getting bad vibes from the parents and she wanted you to be strong to hang in there. I suggest that after these few years, she has matured, understands herself more and is more independent. I suggest you try her number once more, say it would be nice to catch up over coffee. You shouldn't die wondering.

Don't worry, you'll find the right one, I'm looking for him/her too.

Wow.. see I'm 24, so altho I don't consider myself "old" I know now things are different than they were when I was a teenager. Personally I think 13 is way too young to be doing anything sexual.. but I know nowadays that's normal. I think when you get older tho you'll think back when you were that age and realize its just way too young of an age to think logically about relationships and that kind of thing. I think about the things I did when I was honestly even up until age 22 and I'm still shocked- the way I thought about things then is not how I think about them now. Also remember at 13 and 15 ur hormones are raging... so anything that feels good ur gonna do it. Also even if the girl wanted to be with u I can't imagine a 13 year old with a strict family standing up to her parents saying she wants to be with a girl.

Well thank you, lol. And another thing i had forgotten to mention, do you think the age difference had something to do with it? I was 15 and she was about 13 or so.

You seem like a really great girl. Hopefully you will find someone who can appreciate you more. It sounds as tho this girl was conflicted or something.. like maybe her parents knew what was going on with you and did not like it.. I've been in "unfair" situations with men, too, so I know how u feel it sucks. I hope you find someone who will be with you no matter what :)