I Need To Forget About My X And Move On, My Heart Is Not Willing, What Should I Do?

I met this guy who i loved with all my heart. We grooved for two years though i refused to make love with him, when he asked why i told him we can wait till we get married. I got worried so much when he started telling me that i don't love him i'm just joking with him. As much as i loved him i never wanted him to leave me, so i decided to make him happy without realizing that i'm breaking my principles.

We made love first time and after that my love for him became so strong that i was feeling so high. He use to call me telling me that I'm so sweet and he will never leave me. The second time we made love i got pregnant. After that the ussual communications got lost, i was the only one who kept on calling  and telling him that i would like to discuss something agent with him, but all in pain he never showed up as if he realized that i was pregnant.

After one month i called my auntie and asked what to do coz i never wanted to discuss the matter over the phone. She told me to call  and tell him that i am pg. That's what i did, he agreed but after some time he sent me a text message telling me we should wait till i give birth and have DNA tests with the baby because he accused me. I agreed with him but a week ahead i called him just to know how he was doing but he wasn't the one who picked up the phone it was a lady! I asked her who she was and told me that she was his wife. I didn't argue with her but i felt so frustrated and wished if the earth could burst and swallow me. I never waited because i send him a text telling him that i really can't believe my ears, to make matters worse my text was replied saying "Believe in what madam this is so and so wife" I also replied saying "I don't  want to know who you are what i know is i love him and i have something that proves he is mine. She didn't reply but after sometime, i received a text from the same same phone tellimg me " stop disturbung my wife, i will never love you even if she leaves me" I was so much stressed asking myself  "what's wrong with my boyfriend? Is he out of his senses?"

The following day i called him and ask " You said you are married, what about the pregnancy i have" He said " would you please stop disturbing me, you can do whatever you want"  As in from that day i realized he surely never loved me because if he can actually tell me to do whatever he really never cared. 

I moved on with my pregnacy being tempted by my pals to go for an abortion but i refused to take their advices because i loved my x like hell and really i wanted to have a kid with him. My parents accepted me with my pregnancy so i was so happy and at least very safe.

I delivered my child very well but he never came to see the baby yet i still loved him so much. Only his mom came and visited the child,  i was so glad to see her. He issisted for the DNA but i never accepted because of what he did to me so i just wanted to forget about him and take care of my child by my own without depending on him in anyway. One day his uncle came and talked with me and my parents, he requested for the DNA, because i respected his uncle and i was very sure that the child is his, i accepted but all in all he came to change and said that he has agreed the child belongs to him so they never had DNA anymore.

He never supported the kid in anyway and he always calls me but i have decided to ignore his calls. It's been two years now and still i love him.

Despite all what he did to me he still ruins my heart, i have been trying to forget about him but my heart is not willing. what should i do? Please help.

Liz

LizMutheu LizMutheu
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 23, 2010

You cant choose to love and so you cant choose to stop loving your ex, but you have a child and now that is all that shud matter.

that happened to me as well, and do you know what i realized..you need to leave the pieces on the floor and move the **** on becuz all the things he said dont mean **** actions are 100 times better than pictures..alright from one heartbroken girl once before to another girl im hoping thats smart which im positive u are