It Was Traumatic...

Over a year ago, I dated this guy for a few months that basically kept me around for companionship, and nothing more.  He always knew the right words to say if I ever got frustrated and threatened to leave him.  Unfortunately, I fell for it every time.  I think that a big part of me wanted to believe he was telling the truth, even though something inside kept telling me he's not all there.  Once his ex-girlfriend came back around, he was gone.  

I was so confused and depressed, that I even lost my job and almost had to move back home with my parents.  I eventually found the courage and strength to look forward and fix the mess that I had made of my life.  I found a new job and started to do more things for myself.

Although I am in a better place, the area that I still have trouble with is trusting guys and just the whole idea of being in a relationship in general.  I avoid guys out of fear of getting too close with them and getting extremely hurt like I had before.  I used to date often, but now I never do.  I keep telling myself that the right person will come along one day and that everything will be just fine, but I'm scared that the after effects of my traumatizing experience will stick with me forever.  I know that I shouldn't be scared or else I'll miss out on opportunities, but it's very hard.

If only I could figure out a way to overcome this THICK wall I can't get rid of.

Dreamzer8 Dreamzer8
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 1, 2010

I was used that very same way you were and it hurt me deeply. I was actually avoiding love, but looking back, that companionship(even though I was being used) showed me that I would really like to have a special someone in my life. A special someone wouldn't use me.<br />
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I never thought he would have done that to me and now my faith is gone on ever allowing myself to trust another.

Be patients with yourself youre right the right person will come along.<br />
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that wall will come down on its own when you find someone that break it down for you. someone who fights your heart and you builds your trust and love.<br />
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i am or better say was very cold hearted with men because i had been so hurt and betrayed. i used men for pleasure, money or what eber i felt like using them for. at first i was nice then i became stuck up and bitchy and of course they liked me. that how men are your nice you lose they win. until i was with one guy who never gave up on me i treated bad and got always got my way. I dumped him 2 times he always waited for me he always spolied me. never disrespedted and treated me like a princess and it took me a year and a half to start letting that wall and start to really fall for him.i didnt think he could get through to me. but its so much more than that now<br />
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Good luck girl in the mean time dont try to hard to get a man just have fun with yourself asnd keep yourself happy. im not saying to toy men around but enjoy yourself and be patient