Have To Be Strong..

One and a half year already and every day he seems to drift away from me. But I guess it's all for the best. We weren't in a relationship, he didn't want it, he had someone else in heart. At first I didn't know, but as time went on and after I found out it was too late. I don't know what it was about him that drew me so close to him..and yet I had to try so hard every day to further myself from him..to diminish these feelings. My mind was occupied with him, from the moment I wake up until I fell asleep, haha well I actually even dreamt of him every night. He used to call me every day, used to spend time with me a lot more than now which is...more like none. He knew how to talk, knew what to do, probably knew what I wanted to hear because even as he told me that he didn't want a relationship or whatever with me yet he told me things, acted in a way which was hard for me to just forget him move on which I probably could have done and have done many times before with other guys easily. But something about him..everything about him just seem so perfect, I cannot point out a single flaw. Was I in love? I don't know but I'm so hurt right now, why has he drifted away from me...I cry over him so much because of him I've pushed away many things, I've cried even when I was out with my friends just from the thought of him, I can't get him out of my mind..I wish he felt the same way about me, but it will never happen. But because of him I was able to learn new things, feel new things, like new things. There's nothing I can do but think about him anymore, see him and touch him in my dreams. I've given and done all I can, I've tried hard to hold myself back and now my heart has shattered. He will never know of it, he has no care for it...it's just me and myself. I feel as if now it's really over and I have to try my best to move on and forget him...

kittiex3 kittiex3
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

This is exactly what I'm going through right now, actually more like the past few months. I can't sleep at night anymore so if you ever need to talk or whatever, I'm around.

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. One and a half years for me too, also not a real relationship, but I love this man in a way I have never loved anyone before. He just dumped me with no explanation in a text message....... two days after being over at my house and acting like he was completely into me. I am so completely devastated. Everything about your post is almost exactly what I'm going through right now. I wish I could help more than just saying I'm feeling the same pain.