So Devastating

It happened this summer, in june, I met him when he was drinking and I had drink less and decided to sit with him after he had asked me to be quiet about some thing that had happened in this place the night before and in fact I was about to leave soon but the shy me decided to ask if I could sit down at his table while I´d finish my beer - I was bored anyway but this man said YES ...I knew who he was long time before this night and I always thought he was kind of cute and I believed he was a good man because he sometimes spoke to the stranger me for just few minutes but he was to me just like any other customers to me in that bar. This so-called conversation that hadn´t plan to last more than a glass of beer lasted 4 (great) hours and is a moment I´d like to repeat. The man tells me so many things about himself that people doesn´t tell strangers so afterwards I feel strangled with his information of his life experiences and all those things and in return I told stories of my friends because of course I couldn´t trust him enough for mine. After that I kind of liked him and end of story I didn´t think any further than that.


Few weeks later I meet up with him again at the same place and we talk again, this time about good things in life and eventually he was rather drunk and said in my presence (to a 3rd party) so touchy things about me a words I can´t ever never forget - but I was thinking that a person shouldn´t pay too much attention to words like these spoken of a drunk person and besides I thought this was too good to be true since nobody had talk like this about me ever...but I at least started consider him friendly after that night.


Few weeks later I see him again and he had cut his long blonde hair and started wearing glasses and looked alot geekier and I liked it. He´s the type of guy that asks me if I´m OK sometimes :) Has told other people in my presence that I´m a gorgeous girl. Then I started liking him a little bit more and started acting weird around him, a behaviour that gives a person an idea that you´re not interested anymore - I just say what was that anyway. Things went on the same just like I only had crush on him and nothing else (we communicate both sober or drinking - only he´s somewhat shy when he´s sober) until one friday night in september...1st to be specific this big shock came over me that I so didn´t expect when I saw him talking to this girl and what´s worse...leaving with her!!! I was sober that night and experienced racing heartbeat and troubled breathing and went away from there so people wouldn´t like worry about me and helped a friend who was drunk home (another guy) and I did him a favor and wait until he would fall asleep and after that ....since I never let people see me cry went home and cried constantly that night and continued till late the night after when I managed to pull myself together - that´s when my life became mess and I started telling my people about this guy I met I had kept secret for a long time... Today, about a month later I practically never see him, this good friend of mine who is in fact the GREATEST human being I have ever met and in this month time I´ve been drowning myself in heavy alcohol drinking, am about to be expelled from school due to heavy ditching from classes - nothing is fun anymore - I see myself as The Last Elephant Man - I can´t get anything done - and OF COURSE can´t stop thinking about him. Few days ago I revealed to him my love (through SMS)  for him and he responded but I think we have unfinished business to do....I haven´t seen him in days - NOWHERE and I have the feeling that now he never wants to see me ever again or know me...I must have scared him away for GOOD - which leads to me thinking if it´s just better that I didn´t know him anymore. I can´t resist that pretty face of his and this makes my cry most of the time - I either think of killing myself or that baby barbie doll of his (she´s like 20 - I´m 24 and he´s 32) !!!


Did you notice that I practically remember the details of everything...I believe that happens when you really like someone badly  !!!  - I should have responded earlier but like I said earlier wasn´t until I experienced physical symptoms that I knew how I really felt and everything is too late now:(


(I only mention some of our meetings...they are whole lot many more)



Nobody Nobody
22-25, F
7 Responses Oct 7, 2006

Oh.... I let it go long, long time ago and now I can chill with this guy - regardless of the old times ....oh yes.

i felt so bad for you when i read ur story. but no matter however bad u feel no man worth dieing over i have been there i was egaged to a guy who i was with for 3 half yrs when he told me he never love me and left me for someone else but now am with a great guy who i knows loves me there is someone out there for u just wait

My god you sound like me and right now i am tring real hard to keep my heart and head above water.. I relate to all you wrote and understand the anger... I am moving away from a very sick relationship and i find myself thinking about him and i must remind myself that i worth more. and deserve only what i give... keep strong and it takes courage to let go....

I still like a guy from high school and I don't want to but once in a while I wonder if anything will ever happen to us. He used to like me and I him but neither of us ever acted. I thought he was a great guy because he was smart but I found out that he was somewhat of a conformist. I still can't help it. But when I'm in my darkest days I get so happy if a friend that I've spent a lot of time with reaches out to me :)

You don't have to take this advice but I would keep away from a man with an alcohol problem, especially if most of the nice things he says about/to you are done while under its influence. I know from personal experience it can make your life worse than hell to love an alcoholic. Please get out while you can.

they say time heals all wounds... as long as you can hold it together long enough

Sorry about the spelling. I was just too tired to write..and AM tired in general.