An Experience To Last A Life Time In Memory

I was one of the lucky ones to have been blessed with our Love Affair for over 30 years. My love affair was so intense and powerful that all of myself was given to my husband. With no expectations back from him because he showed me his love for me. To be so inner twined with another human being is a gift. Our lives walked side by side for all these years.  We were so happy about our marriage and all that it gave to us. Everything always felt so natural.  Friends always told us that we just light up a room when we Alger in.  Our love just radiated.  He always treated me so special and it felt like he worshiped the ground I walked on. I always felt so special as a human being. I was his love of life. Every time I saw him I would just light up and be excited. I loved being in love with my husband. I was so lucky to have been such a precious gift of life, I wish that everyone could experience and have this deep passionate love affair.  Everyone desires to experience this. It's incredible and you'll get a high off of it. But my lover affair suddenly ends 3 years ago when he just got up and walked out living me alone sad and suffering the lost of my marriage and him.  No reason did he give. We never stopped talking all together but he never told me anything and wouldn't't answer questions.  Of course he got into having affairs I think with just about anyone. Then at the end of the 2 yrs he got into an emotional and physical affair with some sleazy slimy psycho gutter rat. I was just insulted to the max and anger that he had the nerve to leave me for that piece of trash. I don't think I could ever forgive him for that.  I'm a very beautiful lady with a great sense of humor and showered him with love and tired my very best to be the perfect wife.  He always says that I was the perfect wife and no man could have had a better wife then I was. During these 2 yrs he brutally abused me mentally and emotionally that I seek help today for a chance at recovery for healing for all the destruction he did like destroying me to the point to where I'm nothing more than an empty shell that's beaten down today. Will be seeking professional help to teach me how to begin the healing process of all of these dark and painful emotions he has now left me with. I grieve for the loss of my marriage every day.  How could he have done such a thing to me.  I was absolutely shocked that he was even capable of doing such a thing.  My mind just can't understand this one. Now his affair is over because he told here he would not leave his wife and that pissed her off. So their affair was coming to an end for her. He was leaving her to return back home to his wife. We will have to go to some serious counseling and I know I won't forgive him because he did way to much harm and destruction to be forgiven.  I know my marriage is over and that I will never have it back as before but perhaps a new marriage can be built in place of it.  I will have no answers till we complete counseling as to what I want to see happen between us. Right now I hear run Debra run Debra.  Because we did have such an awesome marriage I would like to see something work out I miss his company and sense of humor so much.  He's a a lot of fun to be around. He wants to come back and try to bring some joy back into my life.I know here at first I need him to be a part of my healing process.  We sure in the hell are not going to leave me so devastated.  I stuffed my feelings for a 1 yr and a 1/2 and now the flood gates have opened and it's just to much pain to bear alone.  I don't now how to deal with all of these bad debilitating feelings, emotions, and thoughts.  Help! My stress levels are going through the roof and I just have to get my stress down it's actually making me physical ill. Any suggestions? I don't start counseling for another 2 or 3 weeks. I have never had these feelings in my life before and they are ugly. To be in a love affair where you give of yourself completely and he does too is worth doing over and over again. It's that powerful and delightful. 
q45debra q45debra
56-60, F
3 Responses Nov 30, 2012

All I can say is that I wish you the best!!And I hope the joy you once knew returns forever!!!!

I read your story again and it makes me sad. My husband and I are married for 30 happy year and yes he too is the love of my life, my high school sweat heart. I just can't even the pain and devestation it would create inside of me if that were to happen. My heart goes out to you.

you have a huge heart with a lot of love and forgiveness. Not many women are capable of being able to get past that. You are awesome! Just remember you don't have to forgive all at once for it's going to take time and a lot of communication. Your right you will not have what you once had and your days may be up and down, but if your both committed and inlove I believe it's worth working for.