Sex to the third power

Ahh!  Finally I have a place to vent, to let it all out, to remove this chaos I have stuffed down inside.   I have been secretly guarding these experiences and my feelings I helped create.   I am a single woman who enjoys life.  Yep every bit of it,  I love deeply, laugh loudly, and live daily.  Yet problems have begin to arise and slowly cloud my "sunny" sense of self.   I have found myself in a clutter of emotions.  A disaster in which I lie under the rubble.  Get to the point you might say, indeed I will!   I will explain my situation before going into detail for those of you who may decide to quickly jump ship before leaving ashore.  I have found myself STUCK in the middle of too many secrets...  here goes.  I am sleeping with my best friend's husband.  My best friend has also been seeing another man.   I am the BEST of friend's with both of them,  we actually spend most of our time together ( I have never once felt like a "third wheel").   Yes to some I will be referred to as a *****, how dare I intrude.  This is where I will not disagree,  I know this can't possibly be healthy.  I would be devastated if she found out,  my intentions, I am unsure of but they were never meant to hurt her.  Now as for him,  being with someone so wrong has never felt this right.   We have discussed this and feel a desire to be sexually connected and agree that we both have no clue of what the future or "our" future will hold.  We feel whole in each other's presence, that's the only way I can describe it.   I don't like the position I am in and I do believe I keep letting this happen only because I know what she is doing also.  I know she has strong feelings for the other man.  I think she is completely content with the situation.  Her needs are fully met so why bother with change.  It is completely naive to think that only one person can fulfill our every need.  Obviously her husband feels the exact same.  They love each other and enjoy what they have (it's more than what the each are aware of).  Unrealistic expectations are what make monogamy so damn difficult.   He would be completely crushed if he found out about her infidelity.  But he holds himself to a greater standard and forgets his happiness is boosted by another.  So I sit here peeping through a spotless window with a full view of life's little lessons.  And I ponder on the question "what do I do"?  It is definitely a learning experience I will carry with me for future relationships.
lynette lynette
22-25, F
1 Response May 17, 2007

Where did you go... you never came back to read what input other might have given you...<br />
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How are things now?