Ok My Turn To Be Blunt...

I like all of you am in a military relationship. I met my bf after he had joined, and actually only a month before he deployed. I knew from the beginning what I was getting into. Yes I know my story may sound like a few others, oh this girl is just another one whos going to give up soon. Im not young, I see a bunch of storys starting out with "Im 16, and Im so upset my bf is going into basic training in 6 months, I dont know what Im going to do." Do what all of us do and love your man. Its just basic training, He'll be back in a few months alive, put your big girl panties on.
Cheating on any man is almost the worst thing you can do to him, cheating on a military man while he is off fighting for freedom is so much worse, and cheating on him while he is only in basic training is just plain dumb.
I have a sore spot for this as this happened to me, I was in training and had a bf back home, I wrote letters everyday and was super excited to start my new life as a United State Army Soldier. He wrote 4, the last of which was a "Dear Jane" letter and I was crushed. I ended up getting hurt while still in training and was forced to be discharged. I came home to find that he had cheated on me. I was gone for a month at the time he did. I realize years later that he didnt want to be with a soldier, I joined in the middle of our relationship without telling him. So my advice to the girls who are in this situation, decide now whether or not you can continue doing this. Decide is you can support him through all of it, basic, ait, (or whatever else you call it in other branches) plus him being stationed wherever Uncle Sam wants him, and the dreaded deployments.
Deployments are tough, for you as the gf or wife waiting, and for your man in country. We must understand that. This is a comment I wrote in response to a girl who found out that her bf had been sent somewhere without calling her, she found out via his mother and was mad he didnt call her, that somehow this was a bad way to treat the woman you want to marry;

I am so sorry to hear this, but on certain missions they cannot call. They arent allowed, or they dont have the time. I was in the same boat until yesterday. An abrupt end to daily emails. I got sad and thought something bad had happened, then I got mad and thought he might have stopped writing because its getting hard for him. Then I read about the helicopter crash, and got scared. He eventually called and told me he was alive, and wouldve emailed but he had 5 min warning before he shipped out somewhere else. There are a few more things that I know nothing about, because he cant disclose them. Just be patent, vent here, but try not to be mad at him, this is his job and hes doing the best he can. Sometimes he just doesnt have access to a phone or email and when he does he has to chose who he can call. I know I get a little sad when he calls his mom over me and I have to wait an extra week to hear his voice, but when I do get the call, every negative feeling is washed away. Him being alive is all that matters to me.
Im just telling you these feelings are normal, but just as you expect him to do all these things because you are the one he wants to marry, he expects you to be patient and wait no matter what, and love him, because HE is the person you want to marry.
I wish you all the best and I hope you feel better soon.

As for us that knew he was a military man, I hope you love him, as a man, as the person he is, and not just for the "glamor" of being with a soldier, marine, airman, seaman... Its something different to give your heart and life to a man who has given his (or prepared to) to his country first. Its hard at times; staying strong, carrying on, and waiting. However, when you chose this, the one thing that should never be hard is the choice to love him, and give him everything. If he is the man you love, wait for him. If he is it, there is nothing to it, no choice. Thats what true love is in any relationship, Its not any harder than any other, it doesnt prove you are any stronger than anyone in a civilian relationship as another girlfriend has put it. There just happen to be different circumstances and obstacles in this type, compared to one say with an accountant. It doesnt mean you love your man more because you are willing to wait a year to see yours. That being said I think the military is the most respectable job one can have, and I am so proud of my love for doing this job.

Give your man all the support in the world, give him patience, give him your love, save yourself for him, dont worry him about petty things when he is in country, he needs to keep his head straight, let him know everything is fine, be happy to hear from him.
Really its ok to have sadness, fear, anger, but dont put that on him. The best thing you can do, is talk to someone else about your feelings, but then be real. Realize that things will be fine, carry on, get a hobby, write to him, and just wait.

One more thing for the girlfriends, or fiances, and new wives; Waiting for him is the first step for a first deployment, the second is when he is back home. Things may change, hes going to see things, things will happen, things he may not talk about. Be there for him, support him still. and get to know him all over again. And dont stop loving him.

BlackBetty13 BlackBetty13
22-25, F
7 Responses Aug 7, 2011

Absolutely LOVE LOVE this. SO true. I know this was written awhile ago.. lol but seriously well said, thank you for writting this it really makes you think.

this may have been the best thing i could have ever read. you put everything out there and you said it how it needed to be said.. thanks for this. i really learned a lot from this post.. it made me stop. and think about things more closely.

This is the best post that I have read so far. It really put everything in perspective for me. My love for my Soldier is what I will hold onto. I will really work to not worry about anything until I have something to worry about - and focus my sad and lonely energy in a positive way by writing him or sending him care packages. Thank you for this.

I am glad you were so blunt. I really too this to heart, as I hope others will! Thank you for posting this!

Any time, feel free to read my other stories, and if you have any questions beyond this just ask.

Thank you, and I will!

this is all great advice! i agree, well said!

this is all great advice! i agree, well said!

Well said!!!