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I'm Scared It Will Always Be This Way

Right now, I'm in a dark place emotionally. I feel completely disconnected from the world. I hate the people around me. My so called family has only ever brought me pain. I'm not trying to sound woe is me everybody pity me, and I realize that there are people out there who have it a million times worse than me, but this is what I feel. It seems like every time I tried to open up, especially to my relatives, I got hurt. My mother was very angry and cold with me, my father and I never had an emotional bond, I had a hard time making friends as a kid, and I got bullied a lot.
I hope it won't always be this way. It's just that I keep everything bottled inside so much that when I start to talk it just overwhelms me and I end up sobbing and suicidal.
Ugh. I'm such a loser.
moviesareforever29 moviesareforever29 16-17 1 Response May 3, 2011

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I can understand you when you say your in a dark place emotionally and but you should know this won't be always like this and don't compare you feeling and emotions with anyone because that will only make you feel worse, yes they might be a million people who are worse of than you but that is not under you control and in no way does it make what you are feel worthless, what you feel is perfectly normal and worth the time for you to talk to someone who you can learn to trust. but until you find someone like that you could talk to you doctor or find anonymous pen pal to talk to that way you won't feel like you are being judged because they don't know you name or where you are from or you could give a fake name. but thats me talking out of my own experience and even bullying will stop, when it comes to feeling overwhelmed when you are opening up try opening up little by little. last thing i wanna say is you are not a loser it took a lot of bravery to open up and express your self so thank you and i hope you continue living to see what life has to offer you in the up coming years.