Being Shutdown Forever

I've met this girl, a friend of some close friends, we started getting along... soon it all became more serious and we got tottaly into each other, i mean, REALLY INTO EACH OTHER! i've had many girlfriends, too many i believe and i never felt like that before, it was very emotional and spiritual.  she is from another city and we slept together 2 months in a row at her place.. it was very very intense.. we talked about everything, shared love, hate, i felt like i was being reborned... i got to study in her city cause the course that i really enjoy is there. I've rented a room and started living there... once the classes begun, i slept most of the times at my place... but i was feeling really sad because i was at totally new and much bigger city, starting my life again, the classes had already begun 6 weeks before i started it, without any friends around me, and not living with her...i called her a lot, and wanted to be with her a lot cause i was feeling so alone, so detached from the place i was, and she started telling me that i was smothering her... i understood and started trying to get my thing done.. but i was really really sad.... and started to hide that from her...

one day, on the day before of my birthday, i got this horrible news: an old friend of mine was found dead. i called her to meet her, but when i called i said that i'd rather only have dinner with her instead of going for a walk with her... i wanted to tell her what happened but i couldn't... i got so nervous that i didn't said a thing about what was upseting me... some minutes after that, i called her again to tell her what happened, but once again my mouth kept shut and the only thing i could say was that i didn't really want to have dinner... i had good and bad reasons... she hang up suddenly... i called again and agian... and she sent me a message saying that i couldn't respect her space and that way she was not going to be with me... i felt miserable......



i got to her place at night... she saw that i was so miserable that she wanted to take me to my place, but i told her no and no, cause i saw in her eyes that she was distant from me... soon she convinced me, and she took me to my place.. i kept cryning and crying and when i told her what happened she said that she didn't believed me.. i got so so so soso sooso so miserable, so sad, so angry, so confused that i instantly tried to get out of the house and run and run and run... i've burned myseld with a cigarret as well... i got totally psychotic.. it was insane... she didn't let me get out of the house... i kept going worse and worse... i calmed myself down when i saw how she was after seing me that way, and even tried to help her!.... then she said that she was going out and it was all over... i chased her to the car, got in front of the car, the police was around the corner and asked her if she wanted to press charges, she said no... i grabbed a taxi and went to her place, i rang her door for 15m then a police car appeared, they told me they've been called by her.... i was completely in shock, i was before but it even got bigger... she came to her window when the cops knocked her door and said "this gentleman is knocking at my door "... i said to her "(her name) are you insane?! more than i am?! it's me! (my name)"... she almost didn't even looked at me... she disappeared for 1 week, and i always tried to talk to her, called, send txt messages... nothing!... it all came down from that day... we tried to got close but she was like "nothing happened.. ".. it was insane...  she doesn't talk to me right now cause i told her many many bad thing cause i was in pain, really in pain, and i was very very very angry with her and still missed her a lot... it was 6 monthss ago... i0m still in pain.... and we've been together only for a little more than 2 months.... and i still love her a lot, but i can't trust her or anyone... i got to the point that i wanted to die, that my life is worthless... she even pressed 2 charges against me!! for trying to talk to her... the police said that they understood that she was overreacting... after all this I LOVE HER STILL LIKE I LOVED HER BEFORE and she doesn't loves me back...

indigoscorpio indigoscorpio
22-25, M
Mar 14, 2010