Ego Death (or Whatever Else You Would Like To Call It)

sometime last year i had become spiritually enlightened, or experienced ego death. it was shortly after i had thought about dieing and came to my own great understanding. i came to believe that i was not superior, or inferior to anything or anyone. i was just something that was created 15 years ago with some cells, like everything else.
during this time, i because incredibly wise. some of the stuff i have explained to people is completely un-heard of, but so mindbendingly simple.
i started to lose all my friends, because they have egos, and don't understand me. soon after, i had no friends at all. everyone in high school knew it too. i sat alone at the same table for lunch everyday, and worked independently, even in group work.
being 15 years old, and experiencing ego death can be difficult. especially if you are in highschool. this is why my father enrolled me in home school, to work at my own pace and work with passion.
i kept searching for some sort of social network or something for people like me, because i still have no friends. i found this website and thought i could make some friends who have similar thought as i.
i am willing to be friends with anyone of any age. because how old would you be, if you didn't know how old you were?
DebraNiomie DebraNiomie
18-21, F
4 Responses May 5, 2012

I like this phrase you used : "How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you were?" :-)

Hello Debra.<br />
<br />
I am 19 years old and am in the midst of ego-death as the result of being ill for a prolonged amount of time. I soon convinced myself that I would die soon, and started to let go of everything that held me to where I was in life. I also find it hard to cultivate friendships, as I cannot relate with the problems of my peers. I am finding it difficult to adhere to the confines of college right now, and don't really know where to go in life. I suppose I hope to "re-birth" my ego, but do not know how to go about this, or if it is possible. I was content to live in the societal structures given to me at birth. I know that we will find a way.

Wonderful to meet you Debra?...I experienced an instant expanded nearly all encompassing knowing with deep wisdom not long before a full spontaneous awakening which went beyond dualiity... you may like to read an article I wrote about it called "My spontaneous Awakening - Directly experiencing enlightenment"...I only tell you this so that you know you...and I offer you the warm hand of frienship...

I wouldn't call it ego death...<br />
Just from reading your other story where you say you find the majority of people actively boring and infuriatingly shallow... this tells me your ego is anything but dead...<br />
And ego-less state would be one devoid of ANY judgement whatever...<br />
<br />
Kinda like being on LSD where the whole world is alive and in technicolor and everything is new, alive and has more depth than the normal shallow surface mind state with its superficial labels, overlaid logic construct and comparative reasoning...<br />
<br />
I would say your ego is alive and healthy....LOL<br />
Not that it is serving you very well..... your a misfit..... and on top of that your very cerebral (not unlike myself).....<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong though I'm not necessarily trying to imply that there is nothing special, unique or spiritually forward about you.. as their probably is.... but again I wouldn't point to this as a justification for social dysfunction....<br />
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We are all flawed individuals... I think you made a mistake jettisoning your friends... even if you were so intellectually divorced from them and your interests like heresy to the doctrine of their worldview....STILL none the less... everyone needs friends... the ability to relate to others... and bounce off of that.....<br />
there is undoubtedly a subtle energy interplay inherent in this that is essential for ones mental health.... and part of that is grounding yourself I think.....<br />
It probably didn't help that you were so far out from them but instead of letting them fall away and having no friends... it would have been better to attempt to gradually transition more like minded ones and or failing this also to look at the whole interpersonal relationship thing as an acting role....<br />
Most of em are faking it anyway... you just couldn't stand being phoney...<br />
But try not to look at it that way....<br />
Its more like you need to ground yourself and interact socially and you do what you need to to fit in in that respect....<br />
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I can relate though as I'm socially dysfunctional also and I think you will find alot of misfits here on EP.

i wouldnt call it ego death either. more like a death of confinements. however, everyone is "shallow" in their own ways.

my friends stopped liking me. theyre the ones that quit talking to me.

and thank you for at least attempting to understand me. this means very much to me.

I try... forgive me if I jump to conclusions which misrepresent your experience..... (not having experienced it myself)... It did prompt me to do a quick search to refresh my mind on the concepts involved...
Take a read of this and let me know if you can relate to it:
"http://lovebliss.eu/Satsangs/16_Fallacies_about_enlightenment.htm"

"http://www.andrewcohen.org/teachings/new-world.asp?ecp=qotw-022607"

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